An amazing time of year! Minus having the Flu.

This time of year always brings back so many memories.  And im thankful to have an amazing family to make new ones.

Trying our best to remind out kids thats its the season if giving.  And at 3 thats a hard thing to understand.  But I think Kamiah has a good understanding.

Weeks ago I nominated my mom for a free cut and color a local salon was giving away.  With her always giving and never putting money into helself I thought it would be perfect, and she won!!!  For the lady who wears her shoes until they have holes and whos closet consists of shirts that were old boyfriends she deserves it.

One thing im thankful for is how she (and my dad )  raised us to be.  We were fortunate kids.  We had toys and clothes.  We were occasionally spoiled.  But times were also tough growing up.  My mom was the mom waiting in line for toys for tots and the giving tree to be sure we had gifts some years....to let us keep the belief that there was a Santa.   One year I remmeber we had a shop with a cop day.  We got to get something for us and for mom.  And one year a bonus mom planned on didn't come.  Katrina and I were lucky enough to have gone to FL that year to celebrate with my grandparents and dad.  We were each given 150.  We each decided to spend 100 on each brother.   Idk many kids who would give up that kind of money to give to someone else,  but we were proud to do so!  And that memory sticks in my mind always.  I knew we were raised right.  I hope I can instill the same act of giving in our kids.

Last night we had our last Christmas.  It was a full week of the kids being way off schedule and boy did we pay for it.  An entire night of meltdowns.  I got so crazy angry at Kamiah for being so naughty.  She was hitting and kicking.  Screaming about everything she could think of...including how she didnt like my face. Lol

I held her arms and legs so she couldnt moved and she cried I just want you to hug and kiss me.  And that was it.  I grabbed her and snuggled her until she fell asleep.  Sometimes its easy to forget how hard a little life gets and its even easier to yell and scream in your own frustration.   But try and remember.  Leaving them cry and hurt might not solve as much as a good cuddle.

Be thankful for what you have and spread joy to those you can.  One day it may all be gone and you will have wished you stood back and done something different.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Greatful for wanting

The other day driving with both kids asleep in the car I thought to myself, I wish I had a newer car.  Which led me to think, a newer house would be great too.

Then I seen a man walking his bike up then hill with a small backpack.   He was clearly not biking because he wanted to enjoy the beautiful day.  It was like 10 degrees.

I started to think about all of the silly things I had wished I had in the last month....
A baby that slept in just a tad sometimes
A nicer car
A newer house
A bigger budget while shopping for food and gifts.

Then it hit me. I decided I had no need to long for things that werent necessary because I am already belssed with things many people dont have.

We have a car, two actually.   They take us where we need to go.  They keep our kids warm and they are reliable.

We have a home.  Its nice and cozy, and also keeps our family warm. Its nothing fablous, but knowing some people sleep under a concrete bridge makes it pretty fablous.

I have my baby to wake me in the morning.  I know too many that have lost little ones to know to never take for granted that baby that needs you.  That toddler that asks too many questions.  Those things that drive you nuts, are the things I know some miss the most.

We have a budget to buy food.  And are lucky enough to buy gifts, although they are nothing extravagant they are gifts.  And we cant wait to give them.  Im thankful we are able to feed our family like so many others cant.

This season im just reminded to be thankful. 

Kamiah was writing her sant list.  She started to write mine.  I had nothing to put on it.  I am happy.  As long as my family is, thats about all I can ask for. 

I seen on a group people (adults included) were making gift lists and giving them to people they know.  Its too bad thats what Christmas has become for so many.

If you have a little extra this season think about giving to someone else and doing something less for yourself.   It will make you feel good and so a great lesson to this generation.

The hard stuff....

While posting this im enjoying a wonderful mikes hard lemonade in a nice warm bath.

Today I picked up some things for a friends daughters birthday party.  Of course Kamiah wants the frozen chap stick set.  Its hard explaining to a 3 year old that she can't have this really cool item that's currently at her house.  There is a part SO big in me that wants to say ok...you can have it.  But because she needs to learn lessons in life I have to stick my grounds, im honestly probably as bummed as her.  BUT Santa WILL be getting it for her stocking ;)

The other day I read this blog about how this wife was so thankful for her husband who was understanding through her being pregnant and nursing and then being pregnant and nursing again.....and I thought GOD! Im not alone.  I mean I feel terrible all the time that my sex drive is like non existent right now, but sometimes I feel even more terrible because Jeremiah is still so amazing about it.  I sent him the blog - I totally didn't think he would actually read it and for a day assumed he didn't.  Oh well :)  Then one night he says, "So you really think im that guy?" Yes. I do.  You are. :)  And soon.  Oh so soon Bryson will be done.  But im not pushing it as hard as I could because he is most likely my last baby....and I want to soak it all up.

I laughed at myself a little bit today.  I got off work and HAD to use the bathroom. Im been holding it forever. So im at the grocery store and the bathroom is in this area thats quiet.  And not popular like a Wal-Mart bathroom would be. So after I went, I sat there.  Hahaha. I checked my FB...creeped a little and then idk, maybe 5 minutes later someone came in and I realized I was still at the grocery store....in the restroom.  Haha, the joys of soaking up the quiet!

This last week at work I have laughed so hard at the dumbest things. I love this part time job!!! Never a dull moment! Yesterday a WONDERFUL customer returned these super adorable moccasins.   They are 3 sizes too big for Kamiah but too small for her daughter....so after a small heart to heart she convinced me I HAD to buy them.  They are in my pile of to buy items at work ;) 

This morning Kamiah dressed herself (pretty normal) and then proceeded to turn the shower on for herself and "take a quick shower"  Kamiah.  You're 3....and a half.  Please slow down!!! 

Listening to Jeremiah give Kamiah a cheer up talk and play Godzilla with blocks in the other room gives me the biggest smile on my face.  Seriously,  if god really has plans for people he was definitely mine!!

Well.  Enough of the crazy randomness for tonight :)  Off to finish my mikes and my bath and then to play with my family <3 <3

Mommy, you're driving me crazy!

So, in the car today Kamiah tells me she is my roommate.  She has been on this kick for a few weeks now.  I told her she wasnt. That she was my daughter. And a roommate is usually someone who pays rent.  Like Mimis friend Gilbert.  She said well, Bryson is my roommate.   Well. Kind of, but not really because you guys are both our kids. 

She starts telling me she just wishes she was a mommy. And a big person.

"Kamiah, be 3. Its wonderful. You get to sleep in, wear silly things,  snuggle with mommy and daddy, dont have to pay for anything, you get to lean an amazing amount of things and you dont have to worry about anything.  Be little as long as you can.  Because someday you will have to be a big person and then you cant go back."

"MOM. I just want to be a mom!"

"Sweetie. I love being a mom. Its my favorite job ever. But its a lot of work!  You have to always make sure someone is happy, healthy, safe....you have to pay bills and worry about things.  You can go back to being little once your a mom...

"Uhh.  Your giving me a headache."

Obviously my advice ended there.

Bryson is still nursing.  And today the little shit bit me because he wasnt getting milk fast enough.  Well he seen quick that biting means NO milk!!!

Then I posted on a mommy chat board on tip for weaning.  Some brilliant mom says to star feeding him table food and give him a paci.  Ummm. Yeah.  He has been eating table food for a solid 10 months and no...im not moving from one habit to the next.   So ill stick to going for no advice and trying to wean him myself.   Why he can't do it easily like Kamiah, ill never know.

Jeremiah is sure his sleeping, or lack there of is because im nursing. But im convinced its an actual sleeping problem.  Kid wakes up between 10-15 times a night!   Yeah, no dreaming for me these days.  One day ill sleep again. One day :)

Well. I currently have an infant who has not yet discovered im in the bath, so im going to soak it up while I can.   Hopefully I wake up tomorrow a d magically dont have the flu anymore!!!!

Wishful thinking ;)

A mommy day.

Well last night I left my part time job to take Bryson to the ER. On top of having a terrible cold and an ear infection, now his ear is leaking blood.  Wonderful.  11pm and we are out to get drops for a blown ear drum. Go back to mimis house and Bryson is somehow wired. 130am and we finally get to sleep. Until the 509 times he decides to wake up to nurse- yes he is still on the boob. 

Day comes and he is napping. I forgot about dance. Wonderful. Wake him up to go to dance for Miah,  he throws up. Ahhhh.  Yes I wanna go sit with dance moms smelling like toddler vomit.

Get home and try to fed the kids. Miah is having a hard time listening. Everything  is the end of the world, obviously the cure is for her to try and barter her good behavior for what she wants.  Not happening. 

Bath time. Kamiah is trying to goce bryson pretend medicine and he ends up under water. My heart stoped as I yanked him out.  Calm down and let him get back in and play.

Bath time if over.  Miah wants a snack. I tell her to finish her dinner. Nope she wants a cookie.  So the crying starts. For 15 minutes she is crying for a snack.  Bryson decided to come see me in what I hoped to be a quick quiet bath. Falls in trying to get a toy still in there.  So much for those jammies.   Them he is trying to climb over and nurse.  Seriously kid??!  Ahhh.  Kamiah is still throwing a fit for a damn cookie (that would still need to be baked).

Its only tuesday and Jeremiah is gone till fri.

Lord help me.

Xoxo- Super tired mommy.

Mommy, Bryson and Elsa.

Hmmm, so last night we stayed at my moms.  Had a bonfire and hung out.  Now I knew Jeremiah respected me, but last night I learned it to a whole new level.  He never ceases to amaze me.

This morning Kamiah wakes up and finds a dress to wear. Its a holiday dress.  Whatever. Not worth the fight.  Then she finds her Elsa dress, and decided this is what she will wear the rest of the day. 

We had to go to Wal-Mart because I needed baby bath and some things for our slumber party tonight.  Get to checkout and Bryson has had enough.  You'd think I had kidnapped him.  Man starts to ring our stuff and I realized I forgot baby bath!   Seriously?!
Miah is too little to watch her brother or run and grab it so I asked him to save my spot.  Let someone go ahead of me quick and I ran.  With a cart. And two kids.  Looked like a crazy person.  Got the baby soap.  As we are checking out the thunder cracks.  Ahh. Great.  Get to the doors and Miah says, "well I dont wanna get wet!"
Too bad, baby cakes.  I cant stop the rain.

We get to the car and im tossing Bryson in quick. She is sitting on the box of pampers (her Elsa thrown) hunched over.  "MOMMY! Im getting wet! I didn't wanna get wet!"  Grab her and get her in her carseat.  " man mommy, I didnt see that coming!"
Me either, miah
"Well, uhh. This was a new dress!"

Get home and both friends are unable to make the sleepover. Blah. Unhappy 3 yr old.  Shes heartbroken. But on the plus side she gets to ride a horse tomorrow!  Shes so stinking excited!

I need to start Christmas shopping.  One problem- I want to buy them EVERYTHING. And Jeremiah is convinced we don't have the space.... he is only sort of right.

Im trying really hard to get rid of stuff. I want them to get new cool things. And I dont want to get shot in the process.  Haha.

Well.  Im gonna finish this short mommy only bath, and  then watch the rest of the lorax.  Then for family time.  Honestly,  so blessed to call my family "mine," they rock.

"A broken family"

This last month something has come to me.  After remembering a conversation with my sister, over a year ago, it dawned on me.  I am thankful I came from what she calls," a broken family." 

I was of course always wishing my parents would get back together, until my dad told us he was gay, but thats another story.  Every kid wants their mom and day together and happy like they see in the movies, I did too.

But that would have set me up to believe in the cinematic fairy tale.  I would have lived it and believed thats how it was going to be. 

I seen many of my moms boyfriends come and go.  Not gonna lie, I never liked any of them so seeing them go never broke my heart. Haha.  And ive seen my dad search for love as well.  Both of them are still searching.

Then I thought, what if they had found the perfect person and let a small imperfection change their way. 

Growing up the way I did made me sure, NOBODY is perfect.  Yes, that includes you.  Sometimes im lazy.  Sometimes id rather go to sleep than have a quickie.  Sometimes I forget to put gas in or check the oil. 
Sometimes is just that, sometimes.  And Jeremiah has learned to deal with it. :)  Thanks for that babe. (He doesnt read this, lol)

If I had spent my whole life looking for what I longed for my parents as a kid, id be without Jeremiah and the two most wonderful kids on the planet.

Parents only want whats best for their kids.  Mine did it.  They didnt always agree it was right, and it wasn't always pretty, but we were always first.

Im thankful for that "broken family" because it gave me a dose of reality some people never get.  And it made me realize you have to find the perfect imperfect  person. 
There is always a silver lining, you just have to stop letting the negative in and it will show. <3
On a side note.
Kamiah's feet get hot when she sleeps.  Tonight the crazy 3 yr old whined because she wanted me to blow on them....uhh. no.   This is how she fell asleep.....

Happiness is...

Being positive.

This weekend my facebook was filled, and I mean filled with people complaining about the dumbest things.  I fought with myself t not feed into it.  Dont they realize once they stop getting mad about the things they cant change, or the things that dont actually matter as much as they make them out to,  positive WILL come to them. 

For the record, ignorance is NOT bliss.  Its annoying.

I can't count the amount of times this weekend my heart felt like it might just exploited with love.  These little humans we created....they rock.  They are absoulty amazing.  And seeing Jeremiah with them, even more amazing.

Yep, he drives me crazy.  But most of the time when I see him smile at me I feel the same way I did almost 7 years ago when we met.  Its unreal.  Makes me believe in fate.  Totally serious.  This also makes it possible to love him more and more each day and still want to kill him in between.  :)

So many people have failed relationships.  They have romance. They have passion. Adventure. Excitement. They have everything, but always one half lacks respect.   I'm blessed.  Jeremiah has an amazing amount of respect for me, andb I for him.  Forever & always.

Its been a crazy long weekend and I slightly dread tomorrow having to confront someone being negative. Its kind of silly.  But its toxic,  and you cant let that in.

So, if you are reading this tonight I challenge you, go a week with out being negative. Nothing negative on social media, if you feel it pause and forget it.  Post something positive every day.  Make someone's day each day.  Tell me how you feel after a week.  I bet you feel great.

We are ending our night in this storm watching things that make us laugh.  What better way to fix a semi stressful day than to go to bed happy??

<3

Thank god for Confianza!

Holy buckets.
Today was nuts.

Get home last night late.  I did happen to see some marker on my carpet.  Asked what happened when I got to my very full bed.  Miah says "Bryson got into my markers."  Fair enough.  Kid is quick!  And he loves to do what his sister does.

Fast forward to my morning.

I wake up in my daylight filled room to a marker filled baby boy.  Head to toe.  Green marker.  Not light green...dark green.  Ok...time to go downstairs and change his butt!  Scratch that.  Hes going straight to the tub.  Get out of the tub and start to walk around the living room....there's a crawling marker trail...to my couch.  Two of the three sections...covered.  Keep following the trail,  into the toy room...tv and table...covered.  There is also a trail of a biscuit everywhere. Find the marker at his stopping point.

Seriously.  What happened last night?!  "Kamiah, what was daddy doing when Bryson had that marker?"  "Ohhh.  He was just on his chair.  On his phone."

Haha.  Fail. Good this we can laugh about it.  Thank god for crayola washable markers. 

Bryson naps and we go into town.  Of course I get to where I need to be a realize my wallet is at home.  Track down Jeremiah (on his was out to run a boat for work) and get his card.  Bryson is pissed because he hates the car.

Get to our first stop and mom calls. Says to come grab her.  Go get her.  Get back to our stop.  Shopping and my sister calls.  I have spoken to her 4 times since Feb.  She wants to talk to Miah.  This breaks my heart.  **rewind a few nights, Kamiah is on moms phone snap chatting.  She randomly makes one for auntie Katrina,  "hi Katrina!! I love you and I miss you, hi auntie Trina love you.  Mommy, find katrina for me.   But I cant.  So it goes to my dad.  I cant tell her that though.  I did have to tell her she might not get one back...she waited anyways.**  Kamiah os syked to say hi, im bummed knowing it will possibly be months until she can say hi again.  Get our stuff,  leave and on our way out seen someone that I have been itching to meet....but let it go. Haha...

Go and get all the expensive adult crap nobody warns you about that coats a million dollars. ...dish soap, laundry detergent,  body wash, yadda yadda.  Then try and get home.  Attempted to get the lawn mowed. Kids in the pack and play (in the back yard so only our neighbors could have seen this sight) and then I run out of gas.  It also keeps dieing l, and when I restart it, it makes this loud crack.  I dont know what the hell I did but it worked. Haha.  Then Kamiah has to pee.  Go inside and make dinner.  The yard is totally not finished.  Opps.

Now its bed time.  Bryson is in his crib,  but he didnt fall asleep there.  Ok. So im taking baby steps.  Yes I want to sleep again.  But I also enjoy his snuggles.  So its a slow process.  

Now im going to fall asleep for, hopefully a few hours.

****update,  incase you care****  its been 20 minutes.  Bryson is up.  And wouldn't close his eyes again until he had his human paci.  Blah.  Might be a long night. Lol.....as if I was expecting something else!

To the mommy bloggers who understand.

Lately I have read a few blogs that have made me cry.  Not because they are sad, because I feel so much comfort knowing things I feel are normal enough for others to blog about them.

Your baby is one and still on the boob?
- well yes and yes.  He is also likely my last.  Im being a bit selfish and not forcing him to wean.  He isnt ready and neither am I.  Obviously if I needed to I would.  Or if he was no longer interested in nursing it would be over.  But neither are the case.  Im going to soak up all of the bonding time I can.  I dont plan on doing it a whole lot longer but for now im in no rush.

Why yes, my kids usually end up in our bed.
- who am I kidding, they also often start in our bed.  Actually tonight is our first night of making Kamiah start in her bed.  Bryson has been working on it for a week now....its going to be a long process.  Im so ready to have my bed back to just myself and Jeremiah.  Im ready to not be an open food bar for one while being kicked in the face by the other.  But im going to miss waking up and seeing sleeping angels next to me.  Ill miss playing with their hair while they sleep.  And ill miss the super close snuggle.  But, I am ready to sleep long enough to dream again.

Aw, you look tired.
- No sh**, thanks for telling me how great I look sans make-up. I cant remember the last time I slept a few hours in a row.  I have maybe had 3 dreams this month...because I dont sleep long enough to dream.  That is crap sleep.  And even if I DO have the opportunity to sleep a few hours straight- I cant.  Im worried about someone not breathing.  Someone needing me.  Someone not warm enough or someone who might be sick.  I worry...I am the worst "what if" thinker...but it causes me to love my peanuts to the fullest. Enjoy each second.   Know that tomorrow is a gift that may not be given.

Yes, im with my kids and on my phone.
-No im not creeping some random person.  Im not reading crap stories and im not playing dumb games.  Im most likly checking my emails for work.  Answering a question for a customer, helping someone join my team....this is my job.  Yes, you probably seen fb up.  This is where I send and receive 99% of my work messages.  So unless you have nothing better to do dont tell me, "maybe you should put your phone down and watch your kids."  Because that phone is allowing me to make money to be with them and not pay someone else to raise them 40+ hours a week.  There is also a good chance im videoing, taking pictures or snapchatting my kids to my family and friends who are not lucky enough to see them as often as we would like.  But thanks for being concerned ;)

These were just a few blog topics that made me feel like even with the weird looks and or comments....im not alone, chances are you are right there with me.

Well.  Both kids are sleeping in their beds.  Time for this mommy to sleep while its just two in my bed...because by morning im sure it will be 4 <3

Life with my three year old.

Seriously.  My child is not a normal 3.  Shes crazy.  Lol

Last night jeremiah says- "do we have to listen to this?" (Country)

You're just going to have to deal with it dad. - Miah.

I order her a happy meal.  She is digging through the box.
"Umm. I didn't order a go-gurt." (No you ordered fries, chicken nuggets and lots and lots of ketchup.  Dont worry I got it.)

I dont say anything.

"Ummm hello? Mommy? I didn't order go-gurt."

"Well Kamiah it was that or apple slices."

"Its fine."

"Did you want apples?"

"Its fine...whatever you want mom."

Seriously^

She just finished a week of dance. She loved it.  So this fall we will be doing Dance and Gymnastics.  And preschool.

Then we have Mr.Bryson.  He is going to be just like her....but more laid back.

I was yelling at Kamiah for not picking up her toys and putting them back where she got them.  Bryson had just taken a car out of a bowl...he looks at me, looks at the car and then throws it back into the bowl.  I said," good boy, Bryson!  You put it back where you found it!!"  He got the biggest smile in his face and shook his head yes....already trying to one up his sister. Lol

Well...off to get the little ones breakfast. Kamiah is waiting for a snapchat and asking what time it is...Bryson is using a shoe on his hand...because that's obviously what they are for... <3. Ahhh! Wait he just stood up and took a step..  getting close!  :)

A year ago today

I was 40 weeks pregnant.  At 39 and 6 days I had not one indication we would be so blessed to see our little man.  I also didnt know my kindness and generosity would end up in being so frustrated with new and training doctors.

Sadly my dr, who is the best dr in the whole wide world, was out of the state for half a day and our baby boy decided it was time to come out.  Good thing though,  we didn't just get one dr...or two...we got three, two of which were still learning and one who was so new, our nurse didnt know her name. 

We start walking because of course my very consistent contractions decided to slow down. While walking we were told to stop at our room because our drs wanted to do a ultrasound.   Since Bryson was flipping each week we had to make sure he was head down.  This should have been out first indication they were not exactly fully trained, the dr had to point out which end of the sonogram machine to use.  Yay for Bryson being head down!

Next stop meds to get these contractions going again. Before they end up giving me an epidural a bit after this they need to check me, the nurse does and im a 4.5 but they want the new girl to give it a shot.  So she does.  She places her fingers just slightly into me...like maybe 3/4 of her fingers.  She says im about a 7. Now anyone that has had a kid knows you need to be damn near elbow deep to get checked. The nurse says she was probably in the wrong area and asked if she would like to try again ( um hello....no thanks!) She passed. Thank god. Fail #2. Mom brings Miah up to visit because im only a 4.5 and I assumed it would be a while. Wrong.  About an hour later im feeling a bit of pressure and the nurse says im ready to push as soon as they break my water...but "they want the girl to try."  Ugh.  Sure why not!?  

The nurse tells her she had to try to NOT break my water with her finger so she should have no problem.  Just kidding....she cant.  She asks for the "stick" :l great....shes gonna poke a hole in my kids head!! Fail #3.

Miah goes into the waiting room with Andrew and Daniel. Mom, Candy and Jeremiah are some great labor partners :)

Time to start pushing, head is half way out and guess who isnt ready?!  You guessed it...the newbies.  The more experienced one asks if I can "just wait a minute"   suurrreee.  Let me just hang out here, with my child's head half way out of my body...grab me a drink while I wait for you to get ready!  "A minute is all you have" was the nicest thing I couldn't spit out.  Fail #4. 

The new girl is in charge of catching our baby on the rest of his way out.  Hopefully she can catch.  Yay!  She can!!

Our baby boy with a full head of hair is placed on my chest and once again its been proven there is such thing as love at first sight!  The amount I had already loved him instantly grew times a thousand. Jeremiah swore he wasnt going to watch another birth,  he was obviously wrong as he excitedly gave me updates on how far out he has been :)

Jeremiah cuts his cord and Candy gets hit with a spirt of cord blood....ew. Good thing she loves me.

Time for a few stitches. I am pleased to hear the guy will be doing it....until the actual dr starts correcting his technique. The look on Candy's face will never leave my mind.  "No you should do it like this..."  "Naw this is how I usually do it"

I can feel that.
Dr- "you should numb the area more"
"No, I did"
That hurts!
After this for a few minutes he decided to numb the area again.
Fail #5

Wonderful, not that my poor lady parts hadn't gone through enough,  there probably just got even more f**ed up.

Kamiah gets to come meet her brother.  She is proud to be a big sister and excited the baby came with a big sister gift for her ;)

Time to pick a name!!  Bryson John it is. John after Jeremiahs grandpa.
Kamiah cried.  She was so set on "Baby Brother"

A few of our favorite people came to visit and it was time to try and rest.  Although the complete bliss i was in was making that hard.

Finally our last day we get to see Dr Gordon!!  He asked if someone he had trained could do the circumcision (he had done many).

No.

Lol....I have done my duties and am forver done volunteering!

Our little man is perfect. Time to take him home!!

6wks later I still wasnt healed thanks to "a terrible stitch job" in my drs words which confirmed my decision ill not be volunteering again.

And now...a year later I miss it.  I miss being pregnant and giving birth. Such an amazing time and im so blessed to have been able to do it twice!

Now.  Off to bed.  Night world!

Quick enough to catch....a mommy must.

Nope.  Not a ball.
Puke....lots of puke.

Before anyone is a parent the thought of watching someone else puke is disturbing...let alone catching it.

Kamiah has been telling us lately she doesn't feel good to get out of things, finishing her dinner... cleaning her toys up... sleeping in her bed.  So today when she said she didnt feel good I kind of blew it off.   Until I was catching her vomit in my hands and had it running down my leg.

That was 8 hours ago.  Just now im in a bath getting the pizza & goldfish puke off of me.

I did mention I was gonna hop in the bath.  And then I get, really....your taking a bath?

Ok...ill get out.  "No, no thats not what I ment...."

Actually it was.  But you're being nice.  I will make it quick though.

I could sit in here forever.  Grab a drink and keep reheating.

Yep...that lasted 5 minutes.  Oh well...now to a bed made for two with 4.  I always said I wouldnt be that mom....the one with all kinds of kids in bed with her.  Well I am.  I love their snuggles.  But I will also enjoy the night they are in their own bed.  Just not quite there with Bryson and I feel like its not fair to Miah of he gets to and she cant.

Last night I slept great, for the first 3 hours.... (thats a lot)  Jeremiah took the kids in their room and had a slumber party.  He is the best.  When Bryson woke up my half asleep body just got up and grabbed him.  Jeremiah told me he had a bottle and I could go back to sleep, but he had to work in the morning so I decided to let him sleep.  He really is great though.

All day Bryson sensed Miah was getting more cuddles than usual....this resulted in him climbing all over me.  It was wonderful.

Well, Miah wants some toast....which means ill most likly be waking up to terrible smelling toast be tossed up tonight.  Crossing my fingers im wrong.

Night <3

Giving to give.

This week has been crap.  Poor Bryson had tubes yesterday and has been a hurting unit.  Kamiah wants extra attention because Bryson is getting extra attention.  My mom thought she had a heart attack so was over night in the hospital.  I obviously called into work when my mom was in the hospital and then had to find someone to take my shift today because Bryson still needed me.  I was overwhelmed because I had a plan that fell through on the other end.  Then the realtor selling our house says she wants to show it today......ahhh!   I dont have time to clean it.  But I do.  And then I think of how thankful i am that someone who already worked a full time job today picked up my shift at work.  I dropped her off a gift card for Starbucks.  Not because I needed to.  But I wanted her to know I really did appreciate what she did. 

Sometimes people surprise you. And its nice to do that for other people.  Its a great feeling.

Jeremiah got home today and we went and looked at a house in town to rent.  Total fail.  Looked great.   But the renter felt for us and gave us all the details the owner would have left out.

This is Karma.  I did something nice for someone who did something nice for me.  And then a stranger did something nice for me when she didnt have to.

This is why I give. Just to give. 

On another note....Bryson is almost one.  I am REALLY sad to almost be done nursing.  I love the bond.  But I dont want to be that weird mom nursing a toddler.  Its time to be done, but im really sad.  What if he is my last one.   What if I never get to nurse a baby to sleep again.  Its probably weird I think like that.  But I really do love the bond it creates.

My lil princess and lil prince are out.  Which means time to send some work emails, and go to bed!  Night world! <3

Ohhh. Just one of those days....

You know the one....where everything irritates you. 

Today was that day.

Let me start by saying there were tons of great things that happened today.  Got to spend time with family from out of state, go into work and help out for a bit, and come back to kids that couldn't wait to see me
But.

I just cant help by be annoyed by so many different things today. 

I know why I am too....its because im just too nice.  Honestly.  Sometimes I wish I could just care less.  I am always trying to plan things with friends and family.  I think its important to do things with people you care about.  Unfortunately its usually something that doesnt happen.  I get it,  I too have to turn down plans because mom life gets nuts....but that's not often the case.  Sometimes I wonder why people don't give more into relationships.   Maybe because they are strong enough they feel its not necessary?   Who knows.  I dont usually care to long about not having a life outside of my kids because they create a world so rich and full of life that I dont need anything else.  But then I get a bit sad, seeing friends/family do different things with other friends/family and I sometimes wonder....why couldnt we do those things?  Oh well. 

Damnit.  Im seriously laying in bed at my moms house writing this and got bit by a stupid mosquito. Wth?!

So back to my annoyed day.  Jeremiah is great.  Seriously 99% of the time just amazing.  But there is this guy thing....no im not calling out all guys...just most.  And after a long day...or just whenever...if there is a group of people and a case of beer it usually trumps anything else....for example people you live with that would like to see you....or a mommy that would like a 15 minute bath?!  I mean I did get a "break" today working....but it was still work.

Annnnd I have to work sat.  And of course any regular babysitter I have is not available and Jeremiah works.  So I am still searching.  This pisses Jeremiah off.  He hates this small part time job I have because he doesn't see it worth "our" time,  but I LOVE it.  No...not because it is the best job ever...but because I get to get out for a few hours and share time with people who dont want to suck the life out of me (sometimes literally).

Well considering Bryson has been sleeping for an hour I should try.  Although the drinking banter I hear outside this window is gonna stop.....or this will be one unhappy mama.

Oh wait! 

I totally tried to pick up an old man today on my way home!!  He was having the hardest time walking with his cub bag in tow and he turned my offer down ;(.

I tried!

Now really...night <3

I remember when...

I seriously can remember hearing this 84952957362940264054 times when I was little.  My sister and I would just roll our eyes.  And now...I say it daily.

I have this Timehop app.  It pulls everything I did exactly a year ago, two years ago...ect.  Lately I have been getting pics of a sweet toddler with a baby face and a giant belly.   Soon ill be seeing pics of a newborn....can he seriously already be one?!

I see posts from before we had kids.  It just doesn't seem real, that such a short time ago my world I know now, didn't exist.  I didnt breath each breath thinking about these two beautiful creations that share my DNA.  Jeremiah and I lived a fun, carefree life.  We went to sleep and most nights were close enough to snuggle, his arm around me. Now....well I honestly dont remember the last night there wasn't a baby, toddler, or giant belly between us.

I try SO hard to soak it up.  Remember everything.  Smell them.  Sunggle them.  Tell them I love them hourly.  Let them play and be little.  I spoil them. 

I have this terrible "what if" mind set....not living in fear but living each moment to the most, living it so if something absoulty terrible happened to one of our kids I wouldn't have regrets.  I know it might sound silly to some, but if I didnt play that game with Kamiah or if I had let Bryson cry for an hour before he fell asleep in his crib, and the next day I woke up to find something terrible had happened I couldn't live with the what if.

Going back to, I remember when....  Im sometimes sad.  I already dont remember as vividly as I wish I could.  The sweet things Kamiah said in her early advanced days of talking.  The nights I held Bryson as a newborn that seemed to go way faster then they should have.  I almost get why people keep having kids....these moments are amazing.  I live for them.  Each day I am consumed with so much happiness for the family I have been blessed with I can't sleep thinking about it. 

In time Kamiah will become annoyed with us telling her, I remember when...but for now ill stay content with her telling me...I remember when you were a baby, mom....haha. 

I wont make the mistake of not thinking these days will go by fast.  I will make the most of each day with this amazing family god has blessed us with.  I will be that crazy mom who is always obsessed with her kids, not because I want everyone to think im some fantastic mom but because they are worth it, they deserve it <3

Now to fall asleep before my teething monster wakes back up :)

Defeated

Ahhh.  Today was a day that ended with just feeling defeated.   This happens so rarly.  I know im a good mom.  My kids always come first in any decision I make.  They are always happy and as healthy as I can keep them.   They are well rounded and very smart.  They are extremely loved and slightly spoiled.

Today was a running around day.

Woke up and fed the kids.  Bryson didnt know what he wanted and played with his food, Miah cried because she wanted all of the pancakes ( 2 were for Bryson and 2 were for her) and her cereal.  I knew she wouldn't be able to eat more than what I gave her.  Her fit ended as soon as she tooted and laughed at herself.

Had to run into town.  A 15-20 minute ride at 78 degrees and rising with no a.c.  Bryson instantly throws a fit because he hates car rides.  Miah wants something else in her cup.  Get to the gas station and try to take the gas cap off and it breaks. Seriously.  So I pry that off and put gas in.  Bryson thinks he's getting out so starts to smile.   Then cries when I get back in the car.  Kamiah is mad because the sun isnt letting her see the DVD player....and guess what, moms are supposed to be able to move that damn sun!! 

I had the cash saved that I needed to pick up our prints from our last photography session.  This is the highlight of my day.  My photographer captures my family perfectly.  I love having these memories captured and would spend any amount to have them.  She upgraded my 8x10 normal print to a standout print.  I loved this.  It was such a wonderful surprise :)  Going just about every three months for the last 3 years has earned me that!  Back to reality, trying to have an adult conversation but Kamiah is having a fit.  Back to the car. 

Get to moms house and try to get her business commissions account figured out.  Headache. She has no patients.  But I still love her.  Then these door to door book people come.  They are mid 20s and are trying to sell me things I essentially already have for my kids.  But oh well.

Walmart.  Ugh...need I say more?

Get done with that mess and Bryson is so mad and hot and tired.  Go to moms to drop her off and get Bryson a bottle.  Takes a few minutes to unfreeze the breast milk.  Go to grab the sippy with water in it...and the cap wasnt on. Water all over moms floor.  Clean it up and get to the car.  Miah already passed out, Bryson needs milk.

Get home, get groceries in.  Bryson is still tired and wont go back to sleep.  Miah is crying because she wants me.  Why can't I just be two people.  The living room is a mess and I just want to sit.

Jeremiah gets home, yard work has to get done but the kids wanna see daddy.  Bryson wants outside now and I need to start dinner.   So trying to multitask im getting dinner ready and holding him outside back and forth.

Kids play in their pool(after 5 buckets of hot water are added) for a few and Bryson get a piece of grass in his mouth and is gagging on it.  Finally throws it up.  Time for bath and jammies.  Then dinner. 

I get miah her dinner, and have Jeremiah come in so I can relax in the bath for just a small amount of time.  Miah comes in....I figure she is going potty so I dont rush her out.  Then her clothes come off and she says, "don't put them in  the dirty pile."  Obviously im not bathing alone.  Which also means im not relaxing.  Then I hear my super crawler.  And in comes Bryson.  He wants to play too.

I get out and Bryson apparently needs a boob....im still in my towel and just wanted dinner.  Ik they should be in bed by now....its late.  But ok.  So nurse Bryson and tell Miah to eat.  Not happening.  One bit and she says shes done.   She doesnt eat much and I feel like  I let her go to often without eating what I know she can.   So the fight starts.  Bryson is sleeping, lay him down take two bites....he's up.  Eating dinner and nursing now.  Telling Miah no snacks tomorrow if she doesnt eat.  She just cries she wants me.

At this point im tired. Annoyed. Bryson is sleeping on the floor now.  Im sitting next to Miah coaching her through three bites of food.  End up yelling, she cries and wakes up Bryson.   I just need to walk away.  Breath...Jeremiah is mad because Bryson won't take a paci. 

I feel like I am defeated.  Like I have failed as a great mom.   They dont have bed times like they should.  They sleep with us and Bryson is very sure he need a boob in his mouth to fall asleep.  I just grab them amd go up to bed.  I sing Bryson to sleep, feeling like nursing him is not the best option.  And now I can't sleep.  Im tired.  And emotional. 

Mom.  Its such a draining job.  Not sleeping through the night for idk how long gets to me some days.  Being strong and not showing stress about little things get hard too.  

Hopefully they sleep in tomorrow. 8am sounds wonderful.  Then to the crazy life I love to live again.  Wouldnt trade it for the world.  

Finding the perfect guy

Well im confident I have.  Obviously he isnt perfect.  And I dont believe this because we just started dating and haven't seen his flaws yet, because after 6 1/2 years im sure I know them better than he dose.  But his flaws are part of the perfection, lets face it ladies and gents, we all have them.   So if you are looking for someone without them have fun.  And if you do happen to find that one flawless guy, he probably wont stick around long because you yourself, are not flawless.

Let me also add he dose do things that drives me nuts....currently him and the kids are eating popcorn in bed.  Makes me crazy. Lol. But the kids think its the coolest thing ever.

A huge part of his perfection is how much he shows me he appreciates what I do.  For over 6 years now most of the time I make dinner and I like having it ready wjen he gets home from work and out of the shower, each time I make him a plate and each time he tell me ," Thanks Babe, you didnt have to."  And each time for some reason he still doesnt expect me to do it.  This makes me smile and makes me want to keep doing it.  Constantly telling me how much he appreciates what in do with our kids, to me this is huge.  A LOT of stay at home moms are left underappreciated.   After a long day of working for my business or at a part time job I sometimes work, I come home to bathed kids, a clean house, a bubble bath and a drink waiting for me.  He is just the best :)

He never talkes to me like he is bigger than I am.  Obviously we have an argument every now and then and things can get heated, but a fight once every few months is healthy, in my opinion.

He is the best dad ever.  Honestly the way I seen him connect with his nephew was what immediately attacked me to him.  I knew, some clicked inside my head he would be the best dad.  He didnt know it yet, but I felt it.  In the next few weeks I believed in fate.  I knew id be happy spending the rest of forever with him.  It was weird and made me a little uncomfortable.   After dating a few months we decided to move across the country to FL.  Everyone said we crazy, but I felt completely secure and safe in our decision. 

We have been through rough times and pulled through.   We have hit patches where it would have been easier to walk away, but we didn't.  When there is an issue we work it out.  We both know what we have is what people search for forever and by some crazy chance of fate we found it and we will do what it takes to keep it<3

Instead of getting all gushy ill just say, I know there is someone perfect for everyone.  But you cant force it.  It just has to happen.  And as much as you may want it to be, sometimes it just isnt.  I am confident I have the perfect other half and cant wait to see what the rest of forever brings us :)

A long day of play

Well today was another hot day in MN.  We got to play outside a lot!  First thing was sunscreen!!
Our grass has gotten so long in like 5 days I felt bad the kids had to play in it.  So after they cooled down with the sprinkler I opened up the car and strapped Bryson in his carseat for a few minutes and mowed a patch of grass for them go play in.  Filled up their little pool with some cool water and then mowed a little more.  Now, I figured someone would pull over and ask me why I was leaving my kids to play in water while I mowed but the more I thought about it I decided it was fine.  It was maybe an inch of water and my eyes never left them. I mean, if Jeremiah wasnt working like a mad man he would have gladly done it...but I had to and the kids stayed safe and cool while I did so, np biggie.   How would a single parent do it...find a sitter? Probably not. Lol

I ran into the house to grab towels and asked Miah to watch Bryson.   She didn't.  I told her if she didnt start listening better she was going to start getting things taken away, to which she replayed,"Ok! Ill get more things for Christmas."  Uhh....I was so thrown off I couldn't even explain why that was not the right answer for a minute.  Then we had a talk about how she cant just expect things. 

Ill be the first to admit they are slightly spoiled kids.  BUT Kamiah is very respectful.  I dont think I have ever given her something and she wasnt greatful with a ton of thank you mommys' and I love yous.  The second the greatfullness stops, obviously the extras will too.    I feel so blessed to have a side income in my business to give them things they don't necessarily need.

Tonight we had a play date.  Mary and Jack came over.  Its nice to see our kids play so well together :)  A long day of sun was ended with some Sundays and Megamind.  Jeremiah isnt coming home tonight.   He is working late on a side job with a friend.  I cant begin to express how much I appreciate everything he does for his family.

Sometimes I feel like people see a stay at home mom and the guy working really hard and think, "wow...he works his ass off and she sits at home."  It kills me to think people might think this about us some days.  But to be honest he does work his ass off, but we both do.  I feel like people choose not to see everything it takes to keep a house together.  Kids happy, fed, smart, and friendly.   Thats a crap ton of work too.   And props to the moms that do all of that on top of a full time job.  I already feel like there are not enough hours in the day...take 8-10 away from me and nothing but snuggles would be getting done.

I feel like I was 110% born to be a mom.  The fullness I feel in my heart looking at my kids during the day is unreal.  It boggles my mind that this isnt the feeling every parent gets.  I take it as the most serious reward and most amazing blessing.

I am a bit bummed im missing a surprise bday party for my best friends husband...who also happens to be Jeremiahs sister....so my brother in law in a lack of better terms.  But leaving my kids with a sitter just didnt seem worth the night away. 

Im also being a bit of a baby,  which is maybe why this is a little long and jumping all over the place. Lol.  I hate sleeping in our house alone.  Ik its silly, but even knowing Jeremiah is just somewhere in the house I feel so much safer sleeping.  He has been trained to kill (marines) and I think about all these dumb things that might happen.  I swear, one house creek and I automatically assume someone is in my house. Haha....ahh.  Well I need sleep.  Hopefully I stay sane.

Baby cuddles and sweet dreams <3

The kids are sleeping....ready, set, cant sleep.

Well as a mom you have one goal at the end of the night, get the kids to bed!
So far they have yet to start and end in their room.  Kamiah likes to watch a movie and fall asleep at the foot of our bed.  Bryson was sleeping when I got out of my bath, thank you Jeremiah!

So, Kamiah falls asleep and I am good to go.  Fall asleep and maybe get in a three hour stretch!!  Nope I am too busy thinking about what I need to do tomorrow, what I didn't do today and what I could get done if I just got out of bed.  Ugh, facebook you are not helping me either....why cant I just stop scrolling?!

Time to tell Jeremiah to turn off the t.v.  I am waiting to hear, "im still watching that. .."  He has this very special gift, you know....even when he is snoring he still happens to be watching whatever is on.  But tonight he just shuts it off :)

An hour later...human snack bar.  Oh well...I wouldnt have it any other way!  The view to my left and the view to my right is nothing less then perfect <3

My super ordinary family.

Hi!
Im Michelle,  most of you reading this probably know that.

I feel like a lot of things happen every day and sometimes I wonder...wow, am I the only one that has these problems?  After reading other blogs I realized, im not.  But I also realized i took comfort in reading that other people felt the exact same way.

So this is the start of my blog.
Im not an English major, so this will not be flawless.  It will be honest. 

I have two kids and an amazing other half.  We are not married but after 6 1/2 years..whats the difference?

Kamiah is three.  She is sure she is at least 13.  She is beautiful and smart, sometimes too smart.  And she is sassy.  She keeps me on my toes and constantly makes that voice go off that says...you did the same thing to your parents.

Bryson is almost 10 months.  He is a ham.  He gets into everything and gets frustrated easier than any baby I have ever met.  He loves to keep up with his sister.  He also insists I am an open snack bar.

Jeremiah is amazing.  One of the best dads a person could ask for, for their kids.  He is a marine mechanic and Kamiah will be the first to tell anyone he fixes everything :)  He has made it possible for me to be a stay at home mom....little did I know it is WAY harder than it sounds.

And then there's me.  I am 25 and im a stay at home mom.  I do run a business out of my home that I truly enjoy.  And recently I decided to accept an offer to pick up hours at our local Once Upon a Child....let me tell you, those short 5 hour shifts are a wonderful break some days.  When I met Jeremiah I told him flat out that I had no interest in being a stay at home mom.  I wasnt going to just stay at home and play with our future kids all day long while he went out to support our family.  LOL. Well this me laughs at that statement.

When we had Kamiah I couldn't bring myself to want to work again.  But at that time it was our only choice.  When Kamiah was 10 months I got laid off from my assistant manager retail position.  And that was it.  I became a stay at home mom.  It was just a lot of fun the first few weeks.  I quickly realized how much more work it was then my full-time job.  Then came Bryson.  Well two is a lot worse then one in terms of mommy work load.  Nap when the baby naps? Ha, not when you have a toddler.  Accidently fall asleep....well you wake up to a nail polish covered two year old. 

I could go on with the stories from the last ten months as a stay at home mom of two, but then this would be a book.

Today I forgot how nice it was out and let the kids play for a few hours in the sun.  Well, hello first sun burn.  Lucky for them they have daddies skin and its barely pink...I look like a lobster in some spots.  Needless to say I am now fully stocked on sun screen.

When we got home today the house was a disaster.  From running errands and picking up a shift at work there was no time for house work.  Its amazing how fast it gets messy.  So I get home to a cracker from yesterday morning smashed on the floor, laundry and a sink full of dishes.  Oh yeah!  We may have had a play date with a friend that had head lice,  so we also get to clean  EVERYTHING, just incase. I also would like to try to get this thing called dinner made before Jeremiah gets home,  although since work is busy idk when that is.  Kamiah got a sprinkler today and wants it set up like, 10 minutes ago.  She also wants ravioli for dinner and wants to help with the dishes.  Bryson wants to be held and is sure he needs a boob.   

After managing to get it all done.  Kids fed and bathed, dinner made, and some quick outside playtime, Jeremiah gets home.  After he eats and showers I sneak away to a bath to have just a small break...feeling guilty the whole time because Bryson wants to be nursed or held or something along the lines of seeing me less than a foot away from him.

And now its time to get them in bed.

Ill sleep for hopefully 2 hours before Bryson decides he needs a quick snack to fall back asleep and then maybe an hour or two before the next snack and so on....I swear he needs to sleep one night.  What would I do?!  Probably be up every two hours making sure he is still breathing.  Don't babies enjoy sleeping?  Man...well off for the night :)

Sweet dreams my non mommy friends...or the lucky mommy friends that are not night long buffets ;)