Wanna Play A Game......

If a horror movie pops into your head, its not far from what happened.

Tonight before bed Kamiah asked to play a game.
Sure!! What game??
Its called partner stretches.... (Im like the LEAST flexible person...EVER)
When was the last time I stretched??  Idk...does stirrups while in labor with Bryson 4 years ago count????!

Ok, sure...lets play.

First one!  Put your legs straight out and reach. Mind you I can about reach half and ince past my knees and I feel fire!

Ok, Kamiah....
No mom....you need to feel the burn....(so she gets behind me and pushed my back)
Ok ok ok ok!!! It burns. Mom....you should be touching your toes.  😂😂

Next up the sandwiche.....or what normal people call a dogpile....he on top of me and Bry on top of her.
Kamiah, whats the point of This???
Mom, we are flexing....

Next! She calles it the scorpion  (Is she making this crap up?? Probably. )
Go against the wall.
Ok. Now give me your leg.
*Apparently im supposed to get my leg to line up with my head!**
This failed, painfully.

Next up, Im supposed to take my leg backwards ans have the bottom of my foot cradle my head.....
Is this a joke???
I told her my leg would have to be literally taken off of my body to accomplish this.

And lastly a back bend. 😂😂 What she made loom graceful would have sent me straight to the ER.

Now its bedtime and next time shes not picking the game. 🙈😂

Blessed after a loss

At the begining of this month, if you had asked me what I was thankful for I would have told you I was thankful for a seemingly healthy pregnancy, my beautiful healthy family and friends and all that we have.

I havent been on FB much in the last few months.  I have been SO sick.  My body never deals with the first half of pregnancy well, adding being a mom to 2 very active kids, a wife (practically) and a friend.  In the last few months I have been so thankful for the support system I have had while being so sick and unavailable to most of them. 

Before each of our beautiful, perfect children we experienced a loss of a baby.  This time around I was most nervous about that.  This pattern I've been cursed with.  Thankfully I have an AMAZING team that works with my dr and they accommodated to every paranoia attack I had.  Showing me through tests and ultrasounds that everything with our new baby was ok.  After 2 ultrasounds and blood tests we decided to let the kids know we would be welcoming a new baby and that mommy wasnt actually sick with the flu for weeks.

We got the cutest video while telling them, I couldnt wait to share it with our friends and family.  I got comfortable with the fact that we were doing so well and told many people I talked to often.  December 12th was the day we were going to publicly announce our 3rd bundle of joy.  That day marked week 12 of our pregnancy and what I considered pur "safe" point.  Thats in 2 weeks from now.  But we fell a little short. Today at an ultrasound our baby had no delectable heartbeat (baby did a few weeks ago) and had not grown more than a week from our last ultrasound.  Although going for a second opinion later this week we know our baby has gone to heaven to live with the others.

Killed me to tell our kiddos that our baby went to live with God before we could meet it.  Its hard for them to understand.  Its hard for me to understand.  Why do we require a loss before we bring a baby into our family.

Then I reevaluate.  After going through each loss we experienced the miracle of our babies. Our perfect, beautiful babies.  How could I question anything when I know there is always a reason, no matter how much the reason hurts us.  If we hadn't suffered losses befor Kamiah and Bryson, we wouldn't have them. And there in NOTHING in this world I am more greatful for than them. Nothing.

Miscarriage is such a quiet topic.  But its so real and so common.  Being quiet for so long on FB (most quiet I have been in years) I was hoping to come back and announce our expecting baby.  But im back to say that baby got to go to paradise sooner than most.   This is the easiest way to express what the last few quiet months have been for us, and now why I may be quiet a bit longer.  Prayers are always welcome. But know we are at peace. Life is a beautiful thing, no matter its lenght.  And now a healing process can begin.

My kids kill me

My little Bryson, somedays I swear he has the worst case of second child syndrome....you know where they do everything they can to make sure you dont want a third.

He literally the sweetest little boy on the planet one minute then BAM he is a spawn of Satan. (Ill blame this on his dad, he was also a delightful child)  The last 2 days I have felt like super crap and he has been SO wonderful about letting me rest.  Sleeping in and then snuggling with me before I have to go to work and all.  Well yesterday as I finally got up and ready for work this switch flipped in him.... like wait...moms out of bed, she must feel better,  now I can be naughty. Everything was fine until he ran his bike into a wall amd knocked down a chalkboard. I didn't even get mad but he lost it.  While getting caught up in how upset he was...for his own actions he thought he should be mad at me.  So as Im having a conversation with a friend who lives in Texas he says, "Just send me to her house!"
Who's house??
"Your friends house!  The girl your talking to!"
She lives in Texas.
"Well!! Send me to Texas, I dont care."

He kept suggesting I send him. Then he decided he wasnt coming with to get Miah from school, he was staying home alone. When I told him it wasnt an option and picked him up he tried to put me in a headlock,  im sure my neighbors enjoyed the show. 

Then he preceeded to say he was going to punch me!! Hold up kid. I told him kids that are naughty like that get sent to jail. What does he say??
"FINE! Call the cops then, I dont care."

So I pretended to do so. That had the water works going real fast!

Then after I got home from work he was a new, sweet adorable kid.

Today, I get home from work and he tells me, in the most excitement ever, his win from church tonight...

"MOM!! I didn't call anyone stupid tonight at church!!""

Ugh, this was also his excitement after his first day of prek. ** He also wanted to make sure if he slips at school and gets kicked onto the street,  that Ill come grab him from the curb. 😂 I assured him, although he would get in trouble, they wouldnt kick him into the street. **

Obviously I told him how awesome that was, but come on dude....cant we just be nice alllllll the time.

Although his are usually pretty out there,  Kamiah likes to compete with him on who can make me crazy the fastest.  And since shes 6, she always knows more than I do. 😐

Somedays I feel like a crazy person for thinking about another,  but they are just so wonderful, why not add another?! 😂😂

That baby grip

Remember when your kids were little tiny babies and they would grip their hands on to anything they could?  When Kamiah was a little tiny baby she would always grip onto the top of my shirt. I would sit there and stare at her forever and think about how much I loved her and how amazing this tiny little person was.

Last night she fell asleep on the couch and I decided to pick her up and bring her into my room for the night. When I grabbed her she woke up just enough to reach out and grab the top of my shirt and didn't let go. For a minute my brain stopped working and went back to when she was just this tiny little baby and that was all I could see was little tiny Kamiah in my arms. When I put her down into bed I had to pull her hand off of my shirt and I seriously almost cried. How could it be that my little tiny baby is 6 years old? It's amazing how fast time really goes. Everyone tells you to enjoy your kids when they're little because it goes so fast but you never really understand how fast it goes until you look back and realize that your babies aren't babies anymore.  As she was cuddled up next to me all I could think about was the little old lady in, I'll love you forever, and how she carried her big adult son to his bed and how fast time went for her.  I can't imagine how fast the next 20 years is going to go but I know that I will do my best to soak up every second with my beautiful little kiddos that I can.  ❤💙

Relationships suck 😂😂

But hear me out, I love the one I'm in.  I just think its shitty how nobody lets you know growing up how much work they are, ESPECIALLY after kids.   Like they say being a mom is a full time job...but really being in a committed relationship - one that you want to grow in a healthy manner- is at least a part time job.  Once we had a family we kind of said,  screw the part time job. We didn't mean to, but we did.  We knew that we needed time for JUST us and we needed to figure out new ways to be excited about eachother. But we didnt.   We still loved eachother but we didnt like eachother much sometimes.

Last month we had this nasty wall we hit. It was a wall we built together through the neglect we were giving our relationship as a couple.  It wasnt just one person, even though at the time it felt that way.  We as a team stopped working on us and that led to a big nasty wall.

We have hit them before, everyone does, but this one was different.   This one was we both dive in 110% to us or we let this wall defeat us.  This is where our world today makes relationships suck.  Today our world has forgotten how to keep a relationship together. I LOVE looking at the fact that my grandparents as well as both of Jeremiahs have been together forever.  And being a realist, I know they made it through their fair share of shit.  But they never gave up, they grew up in a time where that was not what you did.

So we decided to take a couple days to get over ourselves and to get to work on ourselves.   We had some very real, very serious conversations and it honestly filpped this weird switch.   It was really like God was saying, "Hey! Wake up and pay attention to eachother."  We have started to be excited about eachother again, paying attention to eachother like we havent in probably close to 8 years. (A total of almost 10 together)

If you are still reading im going to tell you a funny story....but I'll  warn you now, if a seriously funny story about some of my sex life is too much for you, stop reading NOW!  But if you need a good laugh,  id suggest reading on. 😂

Im going to be super vulnerable right now and lay this story out....

So after this new switch flipped for us we were having some really fantiatic make up sex. And honestly we were about done when it happened....he slipped.

And while trying to quickly put his member back where it was it slipped and tried entering the NO zone. It didnt, but I shit you not, the attempt felt like sitting on top of a cannon as the ball gets shot out!!

I quickly sat up and there was a lot of swearing, and then I felt like I was going to puke....that shit really hurt!

Next thing I know I'm being violently shaken from what I thought was a peaceful sleep....wrong.   As I opened my eyes Jeremiah sat back and took a deep breath,  "Jesus Michelle!!! I couldn't wake you back up!!! I almost called 911"

Umm what??   Yeah, I literally got knocked out having sex. 😂 

I still wasnt remembering what happened.  "Michelle all the sudden you were laying on your side, eyes rolled in the back of your head, hands bent funny held up to the top of your chest(I imagine something like a dead squirrel), and half snoring(peaceful sleep)!" "I thought I was going to have to call 911, but decided to give you one last shake!!" "You were out for minutes!"

At this point I did what any normal person would do, I busted out laughing.  Did this really just happen????   You guys, I wish I could give you the expressions on Jeremiahs face....could you imagine that 911 call???? Ummm my girlfriend and I were having sex and she got knocked out. 😂🤤

Lets try this again!!

Ok. It's been awhile since I've done this so let me give you a quick run down.

My grammer may not alway be correct, I don't care.

My life is a circus,  Im well aware and Im ok with it.

I plan to be super real. Who wants to read fake shit?  We have FB for that. 😂

I have 2 insanely amazing kids and a wonderful boyfriend  (technical term, been together almost 10 yrs... we are practically married).  We have two crazy, lazy cats and always have something nutso happening. He is a mechanic and I work part time along with a network marketong job!  Our kids keep us SO busy!!

So, today was Brysons first day of preschool. He is 4 and could care less about learning....seriously, he was not impressed when I told him he had to learn letters and numbers now.  He is the total opposite of Kamiah, our 6yr old.  Kamiah went into PreK knowing how to write her name....Bryson may or may not be able to sing his ABCs.  He can ride with the big boys at the BMX track and tell you different motor parts!!! Count to 10? Forget it.  Im setting aside extra prayers for his teachers. 🙏🤣

Today we had to leave him crying at school and it killed me!!! Maybe its a mom/ little boy thing but he knows EXACTLY how to pull at my heart strings.  When I picked him up he was SO excited to tell me he didnt have to learn letters today. Haha, ohh kid....you wait.

Kamiah had a zillion things to do today and her first day for Lyrical rec team at dance was one!! Then I had to be "that mom" and pull her out of her ymca activity 15 min early...to make bed time.  I mean...its from 6 to 8, I feel like a weirdo thinking thats a tad late for little kids on a school night.  But Im not kidding when I say, If she isnt in bed close to 8pm she is a monster in the morning.  I also understand this is karma. I was and possibly still am, not a morning person.  If I knew this would be my punishment as a kid, my ass would have flown out of bed EVERY MORNING!  Sorry, mom and dad.

Since FB would probably block my posts if they were this long, Ill keep the good stories here! But for now, today was mild.  Busy,  but uneventful.   Off to do some laundry and get my butt to bed.   We only have so much sleep time comfortably before Bryson makes his way downstairs and sneaks into ours!

Your childless friend.

We all know that couple that doesn't have kids...for whatever reason.  Maybe they cant.  Maybe they just dont want them.  Either way as people we know and care about it should be something we support. 

I have a few friends who dont want kids.  They are happy with their lives and kids are not in their planned future.  Thats ok. 

We all know how obsessed I am with our children. My life could not possibly be abother way.  They are my reason for everything and what I plan my world around.  But that doesnt mean im telling them their life needs to be the same.  And honestly, i may have at one time- before a friend posted something that made me see it for what it was....and maybe I could do the same!

The other day a friend posted to social that she didnt plan to have kids.  More than one person said that made them sad.  And those comments made me sad!! It actuall put me in a bad mood.  Why would someone you care about say something so negative about a personal choice you are clearly confident and happy about.

If someone posted on my status about loving my life with kids "that makes me sad" id probably remove them from my fb.  Maybe thats how they should think about it.

Next time you cross a friend who is happy without having their own kids refrain from posting something negative.  First off, you have no idea if they maybe want kids but can't have them....its not really a topic people post all over fb.  It would kill a person who might want kids and cant - but has come to peace with the situation, to hear someone say how sad it is.  Second if that is the choice that makes them happy, who are you to tell them its a bad one???

Social media creates this feeling of entitlement to people, they say things they wouldn't normally say to peoples face because they have the security of a computer.  But peoples feelings are just as real.  Think about your friends before throwing your beliefs all over theirs.  Its not your life, theres no reason for hating on theirs. 

Happy Saturday friends :)  Keep it positive out there in that crazy world of social media!!

This crazy little thing we call life.

Yikes.

When we are little and want to be all grown up it sure looks a lot easier than it is.  Bills, being parents, being significant others... its all looks easy.  Why?? Lol. Maybe because our innocent minds cant see stress, anxity, and the state of being competly overwhelmesd.

On Monday it will be 3 weeks since Bryson has a second set of tubes placed.  He also got his adnoids out.  Since he was 6 months he has been getting ear  infections  (usually double ear infections ) at least once a month.  Today we got meds for yet another one.  He threw the biggest fit when he seen we were getting ready to leave walmart.  Screaming at the top of his lungs.  Although im sure some of the looks and small comments from othera were to try and make him stop, so were just annoyed.  I wanted to yell, " People he is having a rough day and needs a nap." But really i was exhausted, and just didn't care what they thought.  Then was the fight to get him in the car.  Kid is strong!  Now we are sitting in the car in my moms driveway because he needs the nap.

Three weeks ago on Tuesday we got an awesome email from our previously nice landlord.  He said they want to sell their house and need us out asap to do so.  Our last day in the house is the 31st.  Oh yeah. No big deal.  Bryson just has surgery and we get to start packing.  So fun. NOT!

When you are growing uo and even when you start dating i dont think you really realize the amount of work that needs to be put into a relationship.  I know i didn't.  And then you just assume when you have kids things are just as easy.  But they get harder.  Now in this reltaionship you not only have to work to help your kids grow and learn but you have to remember you reltaionship still needs that too.  I am totally guilty of neglecting my reltaionship, to be fair so was Jeremiah.  We love eachother.  We have the same wants for our kids, the same goals in life.  We respect each other and miss the same things about our newly stared reltaionship from where it is now.  Then it just got to be too much. Those fights suck.  But maybe they are necessary.  We decided there HAS to be better communication. There has to be things we miss- us time, kissing, cuddeling, being us.    Thats hard to squeeze in when you get so used to just being parents.  Maybe i never really assumed relationships were so mucb work when i was younger because neither of my parents had long term ones while we were growing up.  Which, i am thankful for because there are many life lessons i took from that in my childhood.  But this last month it really hit me how important constant care for your relationship as well as your family is  needed.

We are working on staying with my mom until we find a place. So life is going to stay hectic for a while.  But I just going to believe its all in Gods plan and we will just keep moving forward.

I suppose its time to get ready for work. Until next time, Ill be trying to stay sane in this crazy thing we call life :)

Happiness

It's amazing to me how easy our happiness is to control, yet so many people are unhappy!

Before starting my home business the majority of my fb was filled with people who were unhappy.  New boyfriends ine week single the next and then back in love again craziness...people who hates their jobs...their baby daddy...ext.  Then i started It Works. A leader told me to rid all of the negative in your life.  I always thought if myself as a pretty happy,  positive person but i didn't  realize it could be better!

I took everyone that was crabby and drama filled off fb.  Hid them or deleted them.  That was step one.  Step two, I surrounded myself with positive people and made a point to not dwell i things I cant change  (thats still a hard on).

Its amazing how much control you have when you just take it!!  Having a bad day? Why...your job?  Significant other?  Someone you don't even know make you mad?  Change it.

You have the power.

Dont let someone else ruin your day, week, month...life.

Go to pinterest (im sure you have one) and look up motivational quotes.  Put them on fb or your phone.  Send them to someone and make them smil- it will make you smile too. 

Today Kamiah  asked me to make up a song for her and play it on her mini guitar.  The smile from the compliments was big but when she made one up for me and played it happiness poured out of her.  Be 3 again.  Speak from your heart and make someones day...it will make yours!

Night loves!
Be happpy 😙

Garlic ears!!

Well.  We have been having the worst iasues with poor little mans ears!!  Even after tubes we keep getting infections.  And of course we needed to get one 4 days into our 2 wk fl vacation. He was a trooper though.  The only thing that helped with his night pain was garlic taped to his ears.  Sounds crazy. But it was legit!! Haha. Then we get home to try different antibiotics and they didnt work.  Poor little man had to get a series of 3 shots.  And still he is in pain. :(  Dr again on wed.

Kamiah has been a champ at meltdowns the last few weeks.  And boy does she have the best excuses.  Amazes me she is only 3, because her artitude is definitely 8 or 9.

Before we left for FL Jeremiah put electric start in my car as a surprise!  Best surprise ever!!! <3. He also cleaned (scrubbed) the car, buffed the headlights,  had a bubble bath ready for me when I got home and a glass of my favorite wine with candles.  Sometimes he definitely outdoes himself!!

I seriously have the best little family.  Even though in days like today, where one meltdown is followed by another and I want to pull my hair out or Jeremiah is driving me nuts, they still rock :)

Now, off to pull apart a fight and make Miah nap. Yay! 😕

An amazing time of year! Minus having the Flu.

This time of year always brings back so many memories.  And im thankful to have an amazing family to make new ones.

Trying our best to remind out kids thats its the season if giving.  And at 3 thats a hard thing to understand.  But I think Kamiah has a good understanding.

Weeks ago I nominated my mom for a free cut and color a local salon was giving away.  With her always giving and never putting money into helself I thought it would be perfect, and she won!!!  For the lady who wears her shoes until they have holes and whos closet consists of shirts that were old boyfriends she deserves it.

One thing im thankful for is how she (and my dad )  raised us to be.  We were fortunate kids.  We had toys and clothes.  We were occasionally spoiled.  But times were also tough growing up.  My mom was the mom waiting in line for toys for tots and the giving tree to be sure we had gifts some years....to let us keep the belief that there was a Santa.   One year I remmeber we had a shop with a cop day.  We got to get something for us and for mom.  And one year a bonus mom planned on didn't come.  Katrina and I were lucky enough to have gone to FL that year to celebrate with my grandparents and dad.  We were each given 150.  We each decided to spend 100 on each brother.   Idk many kids who would give up that kind of money to give to someone else,  but we were proud to do so!  And that memory sticks in my mind always.  I knew we were raised right.  I hope I can instill the same act of giving in our kids.

Last night we had our last Christmas.  It was a full week of the kids being way off schedule and boy did we pay for it.  An entire night of meltdowns.  I got so crazy angry at Kamiah for being so naughty.  She was hitting and kicking.  Screaming about everything she could think of...including how she didnt like my face. Lol

I held her arms and legs so she couldnt moved and she cried I just want you to hug and kiss me.  And that was it.  I grabbed her and snuggled her until she fell asleep.  Sometimes its easy to forget how hard a little life gets and its even easier to yell and scream in your own frustration.   But try and remember.  Leaving them cry and hurt might not solve as much as a good cuddle.

Be thankful for what you have and spread joy to those you can.  One day it may all be gone and you will have wished you stood back and done something different.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Greatful for wanting

The other day driving with both kids asleep in the car I thought to myself, I wish I had a newer car.  Which led me to think, a newer house would be great too.

Then I seen a man walking his bike up then hill with a small backpack.   He was clearly not biking because he wanted to enjoy the beautiful day.  It was like 10 degrees.

I started to think about all of the silly things I had wished I had in the last month....
A baby that slept in just a tad sometimes
A nicer car
A newer house
A bigger budget while shopping for food and gifts.

Then it hit me. I decided I had no need to long for things that werent necessary because I am already belssed with things many people dont have.

We have a car, two actually.   They take us where we need to go.  They keep our kids warm and they are reliable.

We have a home.  Its nice and cozy, and also keeps our family warm. Its nothing fablous, but knowing some people sleep under a concrete bridge makes it pretty fablous.

I have my baby to wake me in the morning.  I know too many that have lost little ones to know to never take for granted that baby that needs you.  That toddler that asks too many questions.  Those things that drive you nuts, are the things I know some miss the most.

We have a budget to buy food.  And are lucky enough to buy gifts, although they are nothing extravagant they are gifts.  And we cant wait to give them.  Im thankful we are able to feed our family like so many others cant.

This season im just reminded to be thankful. 

Kamiah was writing her sant list.  She started to write mine.  I had nothing to put on it.  I am happy.  As long as my family is, thats about all I can ask for. 

I seen on a group people (adults included) were making gift lists and giving them to people they know.  Its too bad thats what Christmas has become for so many.

If you have a little extra this season think about giving to someone else and doing something less for yourself.   It will make you feel good and so a great lesson to this generation.

The hard stuff....

While posting this im enjoying a wonderful mikes hard lemonade in a nice warm bath.

Today I picked up some things for a friends daughters birthday party.  Of course Kamiah wants the frozen chap stick set.  Its hard explaining to a 3 year old that she can't have this really cool item that's currently at her house.  There is a part SO big in me that wants to say ok...you can have it.  But because she needs to learn lessons in life I have to stick my grounds, im honestly probably as bummed as her.  BUT Santa WILL be getting it for her stocking ;)

The other day I read this blog about how this wife was so thankful for her husband who was understanding through her being pregnant and nursing and then being pregnant and nursing again.....and I thought GOD! Im not alone.  I mean I feel terrible all the time that my sex drive is like non existent right now, but sometimes I feel even more terrible because Jeremiah is still so amazing about it.  I sent him the blog - I totally didn't think he would actually read it and for a day assumed he didn't.  Oh well :)  Then one night he says, "So you really think im that guy?" Yes. I do.  You are. :)  And soon.  Oh so soon Bryson will be done.  But im not pushing it as hard as I could because he is most likely my last baby....and I want to soak it all up.

I laughed at myself a little bit today.  I got off work and HAD to use the bathroom. Im been holding it forever. So im at the grocery store and the bathroom is in this area thats quiet.  And not popular like a Wal-Mart bathroom would be. So after I went, I sat there.  Hahaha. I checked my FB...creeped a little and then idk, maybe 5 minutes later someone came in and I realized I was still at the grocery store....in the restroom.  Haha, the joys of soaking up the quiet!

This last week at work I have laughed so hard at the dumbest things. I love this part time job!!! Never a dull moment! Yesterday a WONDERFUL customer returned these super adorable moccasins.   They are 3 sizes too big for Kamiah but too small for her daughter....so after a small heart to heart she convinced me I HAD to buy them.  They are in my pile of to buy items at work ;) 

This morning Kamiah dressed herself (pretty normal) and then proceeded to turn the shower on for herself and "take a quick shower"  Kamiah.  You're 3....and a half.  Please slow down!!! 

Listening to Jeremiah give Kamiah a cheer up talk and play Godzilla with blocks in the other room gives me the biggest smile on my face.  Seriously,  if god really has plans for people he was definitely mine!!

Well.  Enough of the crazy randomness for tonight :)  Off to finish my mikes and my bath and then to play with my family <3 <3

Mommy, you're driving me crazy!

So, in the car today Kamiah tells me she is my roommate.  She has been on this kick for a few weeks now.  I told her she wasnt. That she was my daughter. And a roommate is usually someone who pays rent.  Like Mimis friend Gilbert.  She said well, Bryson is my roommate.   Well. Kind of, but not really because you guys are both our kids. 

She starts telling me she just wishes she was a mommy. And a big person.

"Kamiah, be 3. Its wonderful. You get to sleep in, wear silly things,  snuggle with mommy and daddy, dont have to pay for anything, you get to lean an amazing amount of things and you dont have to worry about anything.  Be little as long as you can.  Because someday you will have to be a big person and then you cant go back."

"MOM. I just want to be a mom!"

"Sweetie. I love being a mom. Its my favorite job ever. But its a lot of work!  You have to always make sure someone is happy, healthy, safe....you have to pay bills and worry about things.  You can go back to being little once your a mom...

"Uhh.  Your giving me a headache."

Obviously my advice ended there.

Bryson is still nursing.  And today the little shit bit me because he wasnt getting milk fast enough.  Well he seen quick that biting means NO milk!!!

Then I posted on a mommy chat board on tip for weaning.  Some brilliant mom says to star feeding him table food and give him a paci.  Ummm. Yeah.  He has been eating table food for a solid 10 months and no...im not moving from one habit to the next.   So ill stick to going for no advice and trying to wean him myself.   Why he can't do it easily like Kamiah, ill never know.

Jeremiah is sure his sleeping, or lack there of is because im nursing. But im convinced its an actual sleeping problem.  Kid wakes up between 10-15 times a night!   Yeah, no dreaming for me these days.  One day ill sleep again. One day :)

Well. I currently have an infant who has not yet discovered im in the bath, so im going to soak it up while I can.   Hopefully I wake up tomorrow a d magically dont have the flu anymore!!!!

Wishful thinking ;)

A mommy day.

Well last night I left my part time job to take Bryson to the ER. On top of having a terrible cold and an ear infection, now his ear is leaking blood.  Wonderful.  11pm and we are out to get drops for a blown ear drum. Go back to mimis house and Bryson is somehow wired. 130am and we finally get to sleep. Until the 509 times he decides to wake up to nurse- yes he is still on the boob. 

Day comes and he is napping. I forgot about dance. Wonderful. Wake him up to go to dance for Miah,  he throws up. Ahhhh.  Yes I wanna go sit with dance moms smelling like toddler vomit.

Get home and try to fed the kids. Miah is having a hard time listening. Everything  is the end of the world, obviously the cure is for her to try and barter her good behavior for what she wants.  Not happening. 

Bath time. Kamiah is trying to goce bryson pretend medicine and he ends up under water. My heart stoped as I yanked him out.  Calm down and let him get back in and play.

Bath time if over.  Miah wants a snack. I tell her to finish her dinner. Nope she wants a cookie.  So the crying starts. For 15 minutes she is crying for a snack.  Bryson decided to come see me in what I hoped to be a quick quiet bath. Falls in trying to get a toy still in there.  So much for those jammies.   Them he is trying to climb over and nurse.  Seriously kid??!  Ahhh.  Kamiah is still throwing a fit for a damn cookie (that would still need to be baked).

Its only tuesday and Jeremiah is gone till fri.

Lord help me.

Xoxo- Super tired mommy.

Mommy, Bryson and Elsa.

Hmmm, so last night we stayed at my moms.  Had a bonfire and hung out.  Now I knew Jeremiah respected me, but last night I learned it to a whole new level.  He never ceases to amaze me.

This morning Kamiah wakes up and finds a dress to wear. Its a holiday dress.  Whatever. Not worth the fight.  Then she finds her Elsa dress, and decided this is what she will wear the rest of the day. 

We had to go to Wal-Mart because I needed baby bath and some things for our slumber party tonight.  Get to checkout and Bryson has had enough.  You'd think I had kidnapped him.  Man starts to ring our stuff and I realized I forgot baby bath!   Seriously?!
Miah is too little to watch her brother or run and grab it so I asked him to save my spot.  Let someone go ahead of me quick and I ran.  With a cart. And two kids.  Looked like a crazy person.  Got the baby soap.  As we are checking out the thunder cracks.  Ahh. Great.  Get to the doors and Miah says, "well I dont wanna get wet!"
Too bad, baby cakes.  I cant stop the rain.

We get to the car and im tossing Bryson in quick. She is sitting on the box of pampers (her Elsa thrown) hunched over.  "MOMMY! Im getting wet! I didn't wanna get wet!"  Grab her and get her in her carseat.  " man mommy, I didnt see that coming!"
Me either, miah
"Well, uhh. This was a new dress!"

Get home and both friends are unable to make the sleepover. Blah. Unhappy 3 yr old.  Shes heartbroken. But on the plus side she gets to ride a horse tomorrow!  Shes so stinking excited!

I need to start Christmas shopping.  One problem- I want to buy them EVERYTHING. And Jeremiah is convinced we don't have the space.... he is only sort of right.

Im trying really hard to get rid of stuff. I want them to get new cool things. And I dont want to get shot in the process.  Haha.

Well.  Im gonna finish this short mommy only bath, and  then watch the rest of the lorax.  Then for family time.  Honestly,  so blessed to call my family "mine," they rock.

"A broken family"

This last month something has come to me.  After remembering a conversation with my sister, over a year ago, it dawned on me.  I am thankful I came from what she calls," a broken family." 

I was of course always wishing my parents would get back together, until my dad told us he was gay, but thats another story.  Every kid wants their mom and day together and happy like they see in the movies, I did too.

But that would have set me up to believe in the cinematic fairy tale.  I would have lived it and believed thats how it was going to be. 

I seen many of my moms boyfriends come and go.  Not gonna lie, I never liked any of them so seeing them go never broke my heart. Haha.  And ive seen my dad search for love as well.  Both of them are still searching.

Then I thought, what if they had found the perfect person and let a small imperfection change their way. 

Growing up the way I did made me sure, NOBODY is perfect.  Yes, that includes you.  Sometimes im lazy.  Sometimes id rather go to sleep than have a quickie.  Sometimes I forget to put gas in or check the oil. 
Sometimes is just that, sometimes.  And Jeremiah has learned to deal with it. :)  Thanks for that babe. (He doesnt read this, lol)

If I had spent my whole life looking for what I longed for my parents as a kid, id be without Jeremiah and the two most wonderful kids on the planet.

Parents only want whats best for their kids.  Mine did it.  They didnt always agree it was right, and it wasn't always pretty, but we were always first.

Im thankful for that "broken family" because it gave me a dose of reality some people never get.  And it made me realize you have to find the perfect imperfect  person. 
There is always a silver lining, you just have to stop letting the negative in and it will show. <3
On a side note.
Kamiah's feet get hot when she sleeps.  Tonight the crazy 3 yr old whined because she wanted me to blow on them....uhh. no.   This is how she fell asleep.....

Happiness is...

Being positive.

This weekend my facebook was filled, and I mean filled with people complaining about the dumbest things.  I fought with myself t not feed into it.  Dont they realize once they stop getting mad about the things they cant change, or the things that dont actually matter as much as they make them out to,  positive WILL come to them. 

For the record, ignorance is NOT bliss.  Its annoying.

I can't count the amount of times this weekend my heart felt like it might just exploited with love.  These little humans we created....they rock.  They are absoulty amazing.  And seeing Jeremiah with them, even more amazing.

Yep, he drives me crazy.  But most of the time when I see him smile at me I feel the same way I did almost 7 years ago when we met.  Its unreal.  Makes me believe in fate.  Totally serious.  This also makes it possible to love him more and more each day and still want to kill him in between.  :)

So many people have failed relationships.  They have romance. They have passion. Adventure. Excitement. They have everything, but always one half lacks respect.   I'm blessed.  Jeremiah has an amazing amount of respect for me, andb I for him.  Forever & always.

Its been a crazy long weekend and I slightly dread tomorrow having to confront someone being negative. Its kind of silly.  But its toxic,  and you cant let that in.

So, if you are reading this tonight I challenge you, go a week with out being negative. Nothing negative on social media, if you feel it pause and forget it.  Post something positive every day.  Make someone's day each day.  Tell me how you feel after a week.  I bet you feel great.

We are ending our night in this storm watching things that make us laugh.  What better way to fix a semi stressful day than to go to bed happy??

<3

Thank god for Confianza!

Holy buckets.
Today was nuts.

Get home last night late.  I did happen to see some marker on my carpet.  Asked what happened when I got to my very full bed.  Miah says "Bryson got into my markers."  Fair enough.  Kid is quick!  And he loves to do what his sister does.

Fast forward to my morning.

I wake up in my daylight filled room to a marker filled baby boy.  Head to toe.  Green marker.  Not light green...dark green.  Ok...time to go downstairs and change his butt!  Scratch that.  Hes going straight to the tub.  Get out of the tub and start to walk around the living room....there's a crawling marker trail...to my couch.  Two of the three sections...covered.  Keep following the trail,  into the toy room...tv and table...covered.  There is also a trail of a biscuit everywhere. Find the marker at his stopping point.

Seriously.  What happened last night?!  "Kamiah, what was daddy doing when Bryson had that marker?"  "Ohhh.  He was just on his chair.  On his phone."

Haha.  Fail. Good this we can laugh about it.  Thank god for crayola washable markers. 

Bryson naps and we go into town.  Of course I get to where I need to be a realize my wallet is at home.  Track down Jeremiah (on his was out to run a boat for work) and get his card.  Bryson is pissed because he hates the car.

Get to our first stop and mom calls. Says to come grab her.  Go get her.  Get back to our stop.  Shopping and my sister calls.  I have spoken to her 4 times since Feb.  She wants to talk to Miah.  This breaks my heart.  **rewind a few nights, Kamiah is on moms phone snap chatting.  She randomly makes one for auntie Katrina,  "hi Katrina!! I love you and I miss you, hi auntie Trina love you.  Mommy, find katrina for me.   But I cant.  So it goes to my dad.  I cant tell her that though.  I did have to tell her she might not get one back...she waited anyways.**  Kamiah os syked to say hi, im bummed knowing it will possibly be months until she can say hi again.  Get our stuff,  leave and on our way out seen someone that I have been itching to meet....but let it go. Haha...

Go and get all the expensive adult crap nobody warns you about that coats a million dollars. ...dish soap, laundry detergent,  body wash, yadda yadda.  Then try and get home.  Attempted to get the lawn mowed. Kids in the pack and play (in the back yard so only our neighbors could have seen this sight) and then I run out of gas.  It also keeps dieing l, and when I restart it, it makes this loud crack.  I dont know what the hell I did but it worked. Haha.  Then Kamiah has to pee.  Go inside and make dinner.  The yard is totally not finished.  Opps.

Now its bed time.  Bryson is in his crib,  but he didnt fall asleep there.  Ok. So im taking baby steps.  Yes I want to sleep again.  But I also enjoy his snuggles.  So its a slow process.  

Now im going to fall asleep for, hopefully a few hours.

****update,  incase you care****  its been 20 minutes.  Bryson is up.  And wouldn't close his eyes again until he had his human paci.  Blah.  Might be a long night. Lol.....as if I was expecting something else!

To the mommy bloggers who understand.

Lately I have read a few blogs that have made me cry.  Not because they are sad, because I feel so much comfort knowing things I feel are normal enough for others to blog about them.

Your baby is one and still on the boob?
- well yes and yes.  He is also likely my last.  Im being a bit selfish and not forcing him to wean.  He isnt ready and neither am I.  Obviously if I needed to I would.  Or if he was no longer interested in nursing it would be over.  But neither are the case.  Im going to soak up all of the bonding time I can.  I dont plan on doing it a whole lot longer but for now im in no rush.

Why yes, my kids usually end up in our bed.
- who am I kidding, they also often start in our bed.  Actually tonight is our first night of making Kamiah start in her bed.  Bryson has been working on it for a week now....its going to be a long process.  Im so ready to have my bed back to just myself and Jeremiah.  Im ready to not be an open food bar for one while being kicked in the face by the other.  But im going to miss waking up and seeing sleeping angels next to me.  Ill miss playing with their hair while they sleep.  And ill miss the super close snuggle.  But, I am ready to sleep long enough to dream again.

Aw, you look tired.
- No sh**, thanks for telling me how great I look sans make-up. I cant remember the last time I slept a few hours in a row.  I have maybe had 3 dreams this month...because I dont sleep long enough to dream.  That is crap sleep.  And even if I DO have the opportunity to sleep a few hours straight- I cant.  Im worried about someone not breathing.  Someone needing me.  Someone not warm enough or someone who might be sick.  I worry...I am the worst "what if" thinker...but it causes me to love my peanuts to the fullest. Enjoy each second.   Know that tomorrow is a gift that may not be given.

Yes, im with my kids and on my phone.
-No im not creeping some random person.  Im not reading crap stories and im not playing dumb games.  Im most likly checking my emails for work.  Answering a question for a customer, helping someone join my team....this is my job.  Yes, you probably seen fb up.  This is where I send and receive 99% of my work messages.  So unless you have nothing better to do dont tell me, "maybe you should put your phone down and watch your kids."  Because that phone is allowing me to make money to be with them and not pay someone else to raise them 40+ hours a week.  There is also a good chance im videoing, taking pictures or snapchatting my kids to my family and friends who are not lucky enough to see them as often as we would like.  But thanks for being concerned ;)

These were just a few blog topics that made me feel like even with the weird looks and or comments....im not alone, chances are you are right there with me.

Well.  Both kids are sleeping in their beds.  Time for this mommy to sleep while its just two in my bed...because by morning im sure it will be 4 <3