Defeated

Ahhh.  Today was a day that ended with just feeling defeated.   This happens so rarly.  I know im a good mom.  My kids always come first in any decision I make.  They are always happy and as healthy as I can keep them.   They are well rounded and very smart.  They are extremely loved and slightly spoiled.

Today was a running around day.

Woke up and fed the kids.  Bryson didnt know what he wanted and played with his food, Miah cried because she wanted all of the pancakes ( 2 were for Bryson and 2 were for her) and her cereal.  I knew she wouldn't be able to eat more than what I gave her.  Her fit ended as soon as she tooted and laughed at herself.

Had to run into town.  A 15-20 minute ride at 78 degrees and rising with no a.c.  Bryson instantly throws a fit because he hates car rides.  Miah wants something else in her cup.  Get to the gas station and try to take the gas cap off and it breaks. Seriously.  So I pry that off and put gas in.  Bryson thinks he's getting out so starts to smile.   Then cries when I get back in the car.  Kamiah is mad because the sun isnt letting her see the DVD player....and guess what, moms are supposed to be able to move that damn sun!! 

I had the cash saved that I needed to pick up our prints from our last photography session.  This is the highlight of my day.  My photographer captures my family perfectly.  I love having these memories captured and would spend any amount to have them.  She upgraded my 8x10 normal print to a standout print.  I loved this.  It was such a wonderful surprise :)  Going just about every three months for the last 3 years has earned me that!  Back to reality, trying to have an adult conversation but Kamiah is having a fit.  Back to the car. 

Get to moms house and try to get her business commissions account figured out.  Headache. She has no patients.  But I still love her.  Then these door to door book people come.  They are mid 20s and are trying to sell me things I essentially already have for my kids.  But oh well.

Walmart.  Ugh...need I say more?

Get done with that mess and Bryson is so mad and hot and tired.  Go to moms to drop her off and get Bryson a bottle.  Takes a few minutes to unfreeze the breast milk.  Go to grab the sippy with water in it...and the cap wasnt on. Water all over moms floor.  Clean it up and get to the car.  Miah already passed out, Bryson needs milk.

Get home, get groceries in.  Bryson is still tired and wont go back to sleep.  Miah is crying because she wants me.  Why can't I just be two people.  The living room is a mess and I just want to sit.

Jeremiah gets home, yard work has to get done but the kids wanna see daddy.  Bryson wants outside now and I need to start dinner.   So trying to multitask im getting dinner ready and holding him outside back and forth.

Kids play in their pool(after 5 buckets of hot water are added) for a few and Bryson get a piece of grass in his mouth and is gagging on it.  Finally throws it up.  Time for bath and jammies.  Then dinner. 

I get miah her dinner, and have Jeremiah come in so I can relax in the bath for just a small amount of time.  Miah comes in....I figure she is going potty so I dont rush her out.  Then her clothes come off and she says, "don't put them in  the dirty pile."  Obviously im not bathing alone.  Which also means im not relaxing.  Then I hear my super crawler.  And in comes Bryson.  He wants to play too.

I get out and Bryson apparently needs a boob....im still in my towel and just wanted dinner.  Ik they should be in bed by now....its late.  But ok.  So nurse Bryson and tell Miah to eat.  Not happening.  One bit and she says shes done.   She doesnt eat much and I feel like  I let her go to often without eating what I know she can.   So the fight starts.  Bryson is sleeping, lay him down take two bites....he's up.  Eating dinner and nursing now.  Telling Miah no snacks tomorrow if she doesnt eat.  She just cries she wants me.

At this point im tired. Annoyed. Bryson is sleeping on the floor now.  Im sitting next to Miah coaching her through three bites of food.  End up yelling, she cries and wakes up Bryson.   I just need to walk away.  Breath...Jeremiah is mad because Bryson won't take a paci. 

I feel like I am defeated.  Like I have failed as a great mom.   They dont have bed times like they should.  They sleep with us and Bryson is very sure he need a boob in his mouth to fall asleep.  I just grab them amd go up to bed.  I sing Bryson to sleep, feeling like nursing him is not the best option.  And now I can't sleep.  Im tired.  And emotional. 

Mom.  Its such a draining job.  Not sleeping through the night for idk how long gets to me some days.  Being strong and not showing stress about little things get hard too.  

Hopefully they sleep in tomorrow. 8am sounds wonderful.  Then to the crazy life I love to live again.  Wouldnt trade it for the world.  

Finding the perfect guy

Well im confident I have.  Obviously he isnt perfect.  And I dont believe this because we just started dating and haven't seen his flaws yet, because after 6 1/2 years im sure I know them better than he dose.  But his flaws are part of the perfection, lets face it ladies and gents, we all have them.   So if you are looking for someone without them have fun.  And if you do happen to find that one flawless guy, he probably wont stick around long because you yourself, are not flawless.

Let me also add he dose do things that drives me nuts....currently him and the kids are eating popcorn in bed.  Makes me crazy. Lol. But the kids think its the coolest thing ever.

A huge part of his perfection is how much he shows me he appreciates what I do.  For over 6 years now most of the time I make dinner and I like having it ready wjen he gets home from work and out of the shower, each time I make him a plate and each time he tell me ," Thanks Babe, you didnt have to."  And each time for some reason he still doesnt expect me to do it.  This makes me smile and makes me want to keep doing it.  Constantly telling me how much he appreciates what in do with our kids, to me this is huge.  A LOT of stay at home moms are left underappreciated.   After a long day of working for my business or at a part time job I sometimes work, I come home to bathed kids, a clean house, a bubble bath and a drink waiting for me.  He is just the best :)

He never talkes to me like he is bigger than I am.  Obviously we have an argument every now and then and things can get heated, but a fight once every few months is healthy, in my opinion.

He is the best dad ever.  Honestly the way I seen him connect with his nephew was what immediately attacked me to him.  I knew, some clicked inside my head he would be the best dad.  He didnt know it yet, but I felt it.  In the next few weeks I believed in fate.  I knew id be happy spending the rest of forever with him.  It was weird and made me a little uncomfortable.   After dating a few months we decided to move across the country to FL.  Everyone said we crazy, but I felt completely secure and safe in our decision. 

We have been through rough times and pulled through.   We have hit patches where it would have been easier to walk away, but we didn't.  When there is an issue we work it out.  We both know what we have is what people search for forever and by some crazy chance of fate we found it and we will do what it takes to keep it<3

Instead of getting all gushy ill just say, I know there is someone perfect for everyone.  But you cant force it.  It just has to happen.  And as much as you may want it to be, sometimes it just isnt.  I am confident I have the perfect other half and cant wait to see what the rest of forever brings us :)

A long day of play

Well today was another hot day in MN.  We got to play outside a lot!  First thing was sunscreen!!
Our grass has gotten so long in like 5 days I felt bad the kids had to play in it.  So after they cooled down with the sprinkler I opened up the car and strapped Bryson in his carseat for a few minutes and mowed a patch of grass for them go play in.  Filled up their little pool with some cool water and then mowed a little more.  Now, I figured someone would pull over and ask me why I was leaving my kids to play in water while I mowed but the more I thought about it I decided it was fine.  It was maybe an inch of water and my eyes never left them. I mean, if Jeremiah wasnt working like a mad man he would have gladly done it...but I had to and the kids stayed safe and cool while I did so, np biggie.   How would a single parent do it...find a sitter? Probably not. Lol

I ran into the house to grab towels and asked Miah to watch Bryson.   She didn't.  I told her if she didnt start listening better she was going to start getting things taken away, to which she replayed,"Ok! Ill get more things for Christmas."  Uhh....I was so thrown off I couldn't even explain why that was not the right answer for a minute.  Then we had a talk about how she cant just expect things. 

Ill be the first to admit they are slightly spoiled kids.  BUT Kamiah is very respectful.  I dont think I have ever given her something and she wasnt greatful with a ton of thank you mommys' and I love yous.  The second the greatfullness stops, obviously the extras will too.    I feel so blessed to have a side income in my business to give them things they don't necessarily need.

Tonight we had a play date.  Mary and Jack came over.  Its nice to see our kids play so well together :)  A long day of sun was ended with some Sundays and Megamind.  Jeremiah isnt coming home tonight.   He is working late on a side job with a friend.  I cant begin to express how much I appreciate everything he does for his family.

Sometimes I feel like people see a stay at home mom and the guy working really hard and think, "wow...he works his ass off and she sits at home."  It kills me to think people might think this about us some days.  But to be honest he does work his ass off, but we both do.  I feel like people choose not to see everything it takes to keep a house together.  Kids happy, fed, smart, and friendly.   Thats a crap ton of work too.   And props to the moms that do all of that on top of a full time job.  I already feel like there are not enough hours in the day...take 8-10 away from me and nothing but snuggles would be getting done.

I feel like I was 110% born to be a mom.  The fullness I feel in my heart looking at my kids during the day is unreal.  It boggles my mind that this isnt the feeling every parent gets.  I take it as the most serious reward and most amazing blessing.

I am a bit bummed im missing a surprise bday party for my best friends husband...who also happens to be Jeremiahs sister....so my brother in law in a lack of better terms.  But leaving my kids with a sitter just didnt seem worth the night away. 

Im also being a bit of a baby,  which is maybe why this is a little long and jumping all over the place. Lol.  I hate sleeping in our house alone.  Ik its silly, but even knowing Jeremiah is just somewhere in the house I feel so much safer sleeping.  He has been trained to kill (marines) and I think about all these dumb things that might happen.  I swear, one house creek and I automatically assume someone is in my house. Haha....ahh.  Well I need sleep.  Hopefully I stay sane.

Baby cuddles and sweet dreams <3

The kids are sleeping....ready, set, cant sleep.

Well as a mom you have one goal at the end of the night, get the kids to bed!
So far they have yet to start and end in their room.  Kamiah likes to watch a movie and fall asleep at the foot of our bed.  Bryson was sleeping when I got out of my bath, thank you Jeremiah!

So, Kamiah falls asleep and I am good to go.  Fall asleep and maybe get in a three hour stretch!!  Nope I am too busy thinking about what I need to do tomorrow, what I didn't do today and what I could get done if I just got out of bed.  Ugh, facebook you are not helping me either....why cant I just stop scrolling?!

Time to tell Jeremiah to turn off the t.v.  I am waiting to hear, "im still watching that. .."  He has this very special gift, you know....even when he is snoring he still happens to be watching whatever is on.  But tonight he just shuts it off :)

An hour later...human snack bar.  Oh well...I wouldnt have it any other way!  The view to my left and the view to my right is nothing less then perfect <3

My super ordinary family.

Hi!
Im Michelle,  most of you reading this probably know that.

I feel like a lot of things happen every day and sometimes I wonder...wow, am I the only one that has these problems?  After reading other blogs I realized, im not.  But I also realized i took comfort in reading that other people felt the exact same way.

So this is the start of my blog.
Im not an English major, so this will not be flawless.  It will be honest. 

I have two kids and an amazing other half.  We are not married but after 6 1/2 years..whats the difference?

Kamiah is three.  She is sure she is at least 13.  She is beautiful and smart, sometimes too smart.  And she is sassy.  She keeps me on my toes and constantly makes that voice go off that says...you did the same thing to your parents.

Bryson is almost 10 months.  He is a ham.  He gets into everything and gets frustrated easier than any baby I have ever met.  He loves to keep up with his sister.  He also insists I am an open snack bar.

Jeremiah is amazing.  One of the best dads a person could ask for, for their kids.  He is a marine mechanic and Kamiah will be the first to tell anyone he fixes everything :)  He has made it possible for me to be a stay at home mom....little did I know it is WAY harder than it sounds.

And then there's me.  I am 25 and im a stay at home mom.  I do run a business out of my home that I truly enjoy.  And recently I decided to accept an offer to pick up hours at our local Once Upon a Child....let me tell you, those short 5 hour shifts are a wonderful break some days.  When I met Jeremiah I told him flat out that I had no interest in being a stay at home mom.  I wasnt going to just stay at home and play with our future kids all day long while he went out to support our family.  LOL. Well this me laughs at that statement.

When we had Kamiah I couldn't bring myself to want to work again.  But at that time it was our only choice.  When Kamiah was 10 months I got laid off from my assistant manager retail position.  And that was it.  I became a stay at home mom.  It was just a lot of fun the first few weeks.  I quickly realized how much more work it was then my full-time job.  Then came Bryson.  Well two is a lot worse then one in terms of mommy work load.  Nap when the baby naps? Ha, not when you have a toddler.  Accidently fall asleep....well you wake up to a nail polish covered two year old. 

I could go on with the stories from the last ten months as a stay at home mom of two, but then this would be a book.

Today I forgot how nice it was out and let the kids play for a few hours in the sun.  Well, hello first sun burn.  Lucky for them they have daddies skin and its barely pink...I look like a lobster in some spots.  Needless to say I am now fully stocked on sun screen.

When we got home today the house was a disaster.  From running errands and picking up a shift at work there was no time for house work.  Its amazing how fast it gets messy.  So I get home to a cracker from yesterday morning smashed on the floor, laundry and a sink full of dishes.  Oh yeah!  We may have had a play date with a friend that had head lice,  so we also get to clean  EVERYTHING, just incase. I also would like to try to get this thing called dinner made before Jeremiah gets home,  although since work is busy idk when that is.  Kamiah got a sprinkler today and wants it set up like, 10 minutes ago.  She also wants ravioli for dinner and wants to help with the dishes.  Bryson wants to be held and is sure he needs a boob.   

After managing to get it all done.  Kids fed and bathed, dinner made, and some quick outside playtime, Jeremiah gets home.  After he eats and showers I sneak away to a bath to have just a small break...feeling guilty the whole time because Bryson wants to be nursed or held or something along the lines of seeing me less than a foot away from him.

And now its time to get them in bed.

Ill sleep for hopefully 2 hours before Bryson decides he needs a quick snack to fall back asleep and then maybe an hour or two before the next snack and so on....I swear he needs to sleep one night.  What would I do?!  Probably be up every two hours making sure he is still breathing.  Don't babies enjoy sleeping?  Man...well off for the night :)

Sweet dreams my non mommy friends...or the lucky mommy friends that are not night long buffets ;)