Wanna Play A Game......

If a horror movie pops into your head, its not far from what happened.

Tonight before bed Kamiah asked to play a game.
Sure!! What game??
Its called partner stretches.... (Im like the LEAST flexible person...EVER)
When was the last time I stretched??  Idk...does stirrups while in labor with Bryson 4 years ago count????!

Ok, sure...lets play.

First one!  Put your legs straight out and reach. Mind you I can about reach half and ince past my knees and I feel fire!

Ok, Kamiah....
No mom....you need to feel the burn....(so she gets behind me and pushed my back)
Ok ok ok ok!!! It burns. Mom....you should be touching your toes.  😂😂

Next up the sandwiche.....or what normal people call a dogpile....he on top of me and Bry on top of her.
Kamiah, whats the point of This???
Mom, we are flexing....

Next! She calles it the scorpion  (Is she making this crap up?? Probably. )
Go against the wall.
Ok. Now give me your leg.
*Apparently im supposed to get my leg to line up with my head!**
This failed, painfully.

Next up, Im supposed to take my leg backwards ans have the bottom of my foot cradle my head.....
Is this a joke???
I told her my leg would have to be literally taken off of my body to accomplish this.

And lastly a back bend. 😂😂 What she made loom graceful would have sent me straight to the ER.

Now its bedtime and next time shes not picking the game. 🙈😂

Blessed after a loss

At the begining of this month, if you had asked me what I was thankful for I would have told you I was thankful for a seemingly healthy pregnancy, my beautiful healthy family and friends and all that we have.

I havent been on FB much in the last few months.  I have been SO sick.  My body never deals with the first half of pregnancy well, adding being a mom to 2 very active kids, a wife (practically) and a friend.  In the last few months I have been so thankful for the support system I have had while being so sick and unavailable to most of them. 

Before each of our beautiful, perfect children we experienced a loss of a baby.  This time around I was most nervous about that.  This pattern I've been cursed with.  Thankfully I have an AMAZING team that works with my dr and they accommodated to every paranoia attack I had.  Showing me through tests and ultrasounds that everything with our new baby was ok.  After 2 ultrasounds and blood tests we decided to let the kids know we would be welcoming a new baby and that mommy wasnt actually sick with the flu for weeks.

We got the cutest video while telling them, I couldnt wait to share it with our friends and family.  I got comfortable with the fact that we were doing so well and told many people I talked to often.  December 12th was the day we were going to publicly announce our 3rd bundle of joy.  That day marked week 12 of our pregnancy and what I considered pur "safe" point.  Thats in 2 weeks from now.  But we fell a little short. Today at an ultrasound our baby had no delectable heartbeat (baby did a few weeks ago) and had not grown more than a week from our last ultrasound.  Although going for a second opinion later this week we know our baby has gone to heaven to live with the others.

Killed me to tell our kiddos that our baby went to live with God before we could meet it.  Its hard for them to understand.  Its hard for me to understand.  Why do we require a loss before we bring a baby into our family.

Then I reevaluate.  After going through each loss we experienced the miracle of our babies. Our perfect, beautiful babies.  How could I question anything when I know there is always a reason, no matter how much the reason hurts us.  If we hadn't suffered losses befor Kamiah and Bryson, we wouldn't have them. And there in NOTHING in this world I am more greatful for than them. Nothing.

Miscarriage is such a quiet topic.  But its so real and so common.  Being quiet for so long on FB (most quiet I have been in years) I was hoping to come back and announce our expecting baby.  But im back to say that baby got to go to paradise sooner than most.   This is the easiest way to express what the last few quiet months have been for us, and now why I may be quiet a bit longer.  Prayers are always welcome. But know we are at peace. Life is a beautiful thing, no matter its lenght.  And now a healing process can begin.

My kids kill me

My little Bryson, somedays I swear he has the worst case of second child syndrome....you know where they do everything they can to make sure you dont want a third.

He literally the sweetest little boy on the planet one minute then BAM he is a spawn of Satan. (Ill blame this on his dad, he was also a delightful child)  The last 2 days I have felt like super crap and he has been SO wonderful about letting me rest.  Sleeping in and then snuggling with me before I have to go to work and all.  Well yesterday as I finally got up and ready for work this switch flipped in him.... like wait...moms out of bed, she must feel better,  now I can be naughty. Everything was fine until he ran his bike into a wall amd knocked down a chalkboard. I didn't even get mad but he lost it.  While getting caught up in how upset he was...for his own actions he thought he should be mad at me.  So as Im having a conversation with a friend who lives in Texas he says, "Just send me to her house!"
Who's house??
"Your friends house!  The girl your talking to!"
She lives in Texas.
"Well!! Send me to Texas, I dont care."

He kept suggesting I send him. Then he decided he wasnt coming with to get Miah from school, he was staying home alone. When I told him it wasnt an option and picked him up he tried to put me in a headlock,  im sure my neighbors enjoyed the show. 

Then he preceeded to say he was going to punch me!! Hold up kid. I told him kids that are naughty like that get sent to jail. What does he say??
"FINE! Call the cops then, I dont care."

So I pretended to do so. That had the water works going real fast!

Then after I got home from work he was a new, sweet adorable kid.

Today, I get home from work and he tells me, in the most excitement ever, his win from church tonight...

"MOM!! I didn't call anyone stupid tonight at church!!""

Ugh, this was also his excitement after his first day of prek. ** He also wanted to make sure if he slips at school and gets kicked onto the street,  that Ill come grab him from the curb. 😂 I assured him, although he would get in trouble, they wouldnt kick him into the street. **

Obviously I told him how awesome that was, but come on dude....cant we just be nice alllllll the time.

Although his are usually pretty out there,  Kamiah likes to compete with him on who can make me crazy the fastest.  And since shes 6, she always knows more than I do. 😐

Somedays I feel like a crazy person for thinking about another,  but they are just so wonderful, why not add another?! 😂😂

That baby grip

Remember when your kids were little tiny babies and they would grip their hands on to anything they could?  When Kamiah was a little tiny baby she would always grip onto the top of my shirt. I would sit there and stare at her forever and think about how much I loved her and how amazing this tiny little person was.

Last night she fell asleep on the couch and I decided to pick her up and bring her into my room for the night. When I grabbed her she woke up just enough to reach out and grab the top of my shirt and didn't let go. For a minute my brain stopped working and went back to when she was just this tiny little baby and that was all I could see was little tiny Kamiah in my arms. When I put her down into bed I had to pull her hand off of my shirt and I seriously almost cried. How could it be that my little tiny baby is 6 years old? It's amazing how fast time really goes. Everyone tells you to enjoy your kids when they're little because it goes so fast but you never really understand how fast it goes until you look back and realize that your babies aren't babies anymore.  As she was cuddled up next to me all I could think about was the little old lady in, I'll love you forever, and how she carried her big adult son to his bed and how fast time went for her.  I can't imagine how fast the next 20 years is going to go but I know that I will do my best to soak up every second with my beautiful little kiddos that I can.  ❤💙

Relationships suck 😂😂

But hear me out, I love the one I'm in.  I just think its shitty how nobody lets you know growing up how much work they are, ESPECIALLY after kids.   Like they say being a mom is a full time job...but really being in a committed relationship - one that you want to grow in a healthy manner- is at least a part time job.  Once we had a family we kind of said,  screw the part time job. We didn't mean to, but we did.  We knew that we needed time for JUST us and we needed to figure out new ways to be excited about eachother. But we didnt.   We still loved eachother but we didnt like eachother much sometimes.

Last month we had this nasty wall we hit. It was a wall we built together through the neglect we were giving our relationship as a couple.  It wasnt just one person, even though at the time it felt that way.  We as a team stopped working on us and that led to a big nasty wall.

We have hit them before, everyone does, but this one was different.   This one was we both dive in 110% to us or we let this wall defeat us.  This is where our world today makes relationships suck.  Today our world has forgotten how to keep a relationship together. I LOVE looking at the fact that my grandparents as well as both of Jeremiahs have been together forever.  And being a realist, I know they made it through their fair share of shit.  But they never gave up, they grew up in a time where that was not what you did.

So we decided to take a couple days to get over ourselves and to get to work on ourselves.   We had some very real, very serious conversations and it honestly filpped this weird switch.   It was really like God was saying, "Hey! Wake up and pay attention to eachother."  We have started to be excited about eachother again, paying attention to eachother like we havent in probably close to 8 years. (A total of almost 10 together)

If you are still reading im going to tell you a funny story....but I'll  warn you now, if a seriously funny story about some of my sex life is too much for you, stop reading NOW!  But if you need a good laugh,  id suggest reading on. 😂

Im going to be super vulnerable right now and lay this story out....

So after this new switch flipped for us we were having some really fantiatic make up sex. And honestly we were about done when it happened....he slipped.

And while trying to quickly put his member back where it was it slipped and tried entering the NO zone. It didnt, but I shit you not, the attempt felt like sitting on top of a cannon as the ball gets shot out!!

I quickly sat up and there was a lot of swearing, and then I felt like I was going to puke....that shit really hurt!

Next thing I know I'm being violently shaken from what I thought was a peaceful sleep....wrong.   As I opened my eyes Jeremiah sat back and took a deep breath,  "Jesus Michelle!!! I couldn't wake you back up!!! I almost called 911"

Umm what??   Yeah, I literally got knocked out having sex. 😂 

I still wasnt remembering what happened.  "Michelle all the sudden you were laying on your side, eyes rolled in the back of your head, hands bent funny held up to the top of your chest(I imagine something like a dead squirrel), and half snoring(peaceful sleep)!" "I thought I was going to have to call 911, but decided to give you one last shake!!" "You were out for minutes!"

At this point I did what any normal person would do, I busted out laughing.  Did this really just happen????   You guys, I wish I could give you the expressions on Jeremiahs face....could you imagine that 911 call???? Ummm my girlfriend and I were having sex and she got knocked out. 😂🤤

Lets try this again!!

Ok. It's been awhile since I've done this so let me give you a quick run down.

My grammer may not alway be correct, I don't care.

My life is a circus,  Im well aware and Im ok with it.

I plan to be super real. Who wants to read fake shit?  We have FB for that. 😂

I have 2 insanely amazing kids and a wonderful boyfriend  (technical term, been together almost 10 yrs... we are practically married).  We have two crazy, lazy cats and always have something nutso happening. He is a mechanic and I work part time along with a network marketong job!  Our kids keep us SO busy!!

So, today was Brysons first day of preschool. He is 4 and could care less about learning....seriously, he was not impressed when I told him he had to learn letters and numbers now.  He is the total opposite of Kamiah, our 6yr old.  Kamiah went into PreK knowing how to write her name....Bryson may or may not be able to sing his ABCs.  He can ride with the big boys at the BMX track and tell you different motor parts!!! Count to 10? Forget it.  Im setting aside extra prayers for his teachers. 🙏🤣

Today we had to leave him crying at school and it killed me!!! Maybe its a mom/ little boy thing but he knows EXACTLY how to pull at my heart strings.  When I picked him up he was SO excited to tell me he didnt have to learn letters today. Haha, ohh kid....you wait.

Kamiah had a zillion things to do today and her first day for Lyrical rec team at dance was one!! Then I had to be "that mom" and pull her out of her ymca activity 15 min early...to make bed time.  I mean...its from 6 to 8, I feel like a weirdo thinking thats a tad late for little kids on a school night.  But Im not kidding when I say, If she isnt in bed close to 8pm she is a monster in the morning.  I also understand this is karma. I was and possibly still am, not a morning person.  If I knew this would be my punishment as a kid, my ass would have flown out of bed EVERY MORNING!  Sorry, mom and dad.

Since FB would probably block my posts if they were this long, Ill keep the good stories here! But for now, today was mild.  Busy,  but uneventful.   Off to do some laundry and get my butt to bed.   We only have so much sleep time comfortably before Bryson makes his way downstairs and sneaks into ours!

Your childless friend.

We all know that couple that doesn't have kids...for whatever reason.  Maybe they cant.  Maybe they just dont want them.  Either way as people we know and care about it should be something we support. 

I have a few friends who dont want kids.  They are happy with their lives and kids are not in their planned future.  Thats ok. 

We all know how obsessed I am with our children. My life could not possibly be abother way.  They are my reason for everything and what I plan my world around.  But that doesnt mean im telling them their life needs to be the same.  And honestly, i may have at one time- before a friend posted something that made me see it for what it was....and maybe I could do the same!

The other day a friend posted to social that she didnt plan to have kids.  More than one person said that made them sad.  And those comments made me sad!! It actuall put me in a bad mood.  Why would someone you care about say something so negative about a personal choice you are clearly confident and happy about.

If someone posted on my status about loving my life with kids "that makes me sad" id probably remove them from my fb.  Maybe thats how they should think about it.

Next time you cross a friend who is happy without having their own kids refrain from posting something negative.  First off, you have no idea if they maybe want kids but can't have them....its not really a topic people post all over fb.  It would kill a person who might want kids and cant - but has come to peace with the situation, to hear someone say how sad it is.  Second if that is the choice that makes them happy, who are you to tell them its a bad one???

Social media creates this feeling of entitlement to people, they say things they wouldn't normally say to peoples face because they have the security of a computer.  But peoples feelings are just as real.  Think about your friends before throwing your beliefs all over theirs.  Its not your life, theres no reason for hating on theirs. 

Happy Saturday friends :)  Keep it positive out there in that crazy world of social media!!