Mommy, Bryson and Elsa.

Hmmm, so last night we stayed at my moms.  Had a bonfire and hung out.  Now I knew Jeremiah respected me, but last night I learned it to a whole new level.  He never ceases to amaze me.

This morning Kamiah wakes up and finds a dress to wear. Its a holiday dress.  Whatever. Not worth the fight.  Then she finds her Elsa dress, and decided this is what she will wear the rest of the day. 

We had to go to Wal-Mart because I needed baby bath and some things for our slumber party tonight.  Get to checkout and Bryson has had enough.  You'd think I had kidnapped him.  Man starts to ring our stuff and I realized I forgot baby bath!   Seriously?!
Miah is too little to watch her brother or run and grab it so I asked him to save my spot.  Let someone go ahead of me quick and I ran.  With a cart. And two kids.  Looked like a crazy person.  Got the baby soap.  As we are checking out the thunder cracks.  Ahh. Great.  Get to the doors and Miah says, "well I dont wanna get wet!"
Too bad, baby cakes.  I cant stop the rain.

We get to the car and im tossing Bryson in quick. She is sitting on the box of pampers (her Elsa thrown) hunched over.  "MOMMY! Im getting wet! I didn't wanna get wet!"  Grab her and get her in her carseat.  " man mommy, I didnt see that coming!"
Me either, miah
"Well, uhh. This was a new dress!"

Get home and both friends are unable to make the sleepover. Blah. Unhappy 3 yr old.  Shes heartbroken. But on the plus side she gets to ride a horse tomorrow!  Shes so stinking excited!

I need to start Christmas shopping.  One problem- I want to buy them EVERYTHING. And Jeremiah is convinced we don't have the space.... he is only sort of right.

Im trying really hard to get rid of stuff. I want them to get new cool things. And I dont want to get shot in the process.  Haha.

Well.  Im gonna finish this short mommy only bath, and  then watch the rest of the lorax.  Then for family time.  Honestly,  so blessed to call my family "mine," they rock.

"A broken family"

This last month something has come to me.  After remembering a conversation with my sister, over a year ago, it dawned on me.  I am thankful I came from what she calls," a broken family." 

I was of course always wishing my parents would get back together, until my dad told us he was gay, but thats another story.  Every kid wants their mom and day together and happy like they see in the movies, I did too.

But that would have set me up to believe in the cinematic fairy tale.  I would have lived it and believed thats how it was going to be. 

I seen many of my moms boyfriends come and go.  Not gonna lie, I never liked any of them so seeing them go never broke my heart. Haha.  And ive seen my dad search for love as well.  Both of them are still searching.

Then I thought, what if they had found the perfect person and let a small imperfection change their way. 

Growing up the way I did made me sure, NOBODY is perfect.  Yes, that includes you.  Sometimes im lazy.  Sometimes id rather go to sleep than have a quickie.  Sometimes I forget to put gas in or check the oil. 
Sometimes is just that, sometimes.  And Jeremiah has learned to deal with it. :)  Thanks for that babe. (He doesnt read this, lol)

If I had spent my whole life looking for what I longed for my parents as a kid, id be without Jeremiah and the two most wonderful kids on the planet.

Parents only want whats best for their kids.  Mine did it.  They didnt always agree it was right, and it wasn't always pretty, but we were always first.

Im thankful for that "broken family" because it gave me a dose of reality some people never get.  And it made me realize you have to find the perfect imperfect  person. 
There is always a silver lining, you just have to stop letting the negative in and it will show. <3
On a side note.
Kamiah's feet get hot when she sleeps.  Tonight the crazy 3 yr old whined because she wanted me to blow on them....uhh. no.   This is how she fell asleep.....

Happiness is...

Being positive.

This weekend my facebook was filled, and I mean filled with people complaining about the dumbest things.  I fought with myself t not feed into it.  Dont they realize once they stop getting mad about the things they cant change, or the things that dont actually matter as much as they make them out to,  positive WILL come to them. 

For the record, ignorance is NOT bliss.  Its annoying.

I can't count the amount of times this weekend my heart felt like it might just exploited with love.  These little humans we created....they rock.  They are absoulty amazing.  And seeing Jeremiah with them, even more amazing.

Yep, he drives me crazy.  But most of the time when I see him smile at me I feel the same way I did almost 7 years ago when we met.  Its unreal.  Makes me believe in fate.  Totally serious.  This also makes it possible to love him more and more each day and still want to kill him in between.  :)

So many people have failed relationships.  They have romance. They have passion. Adventure. Excitement. They have everything, but always one half lacks respect.   I'm blessed.  Jeremiah has an amazing amount of respect for me, andb I for him.  Forever & always.

Its been a crazy long weekend and I slightly dread tomorrow having to confront someone being negative. Its kind of silly.  But its toxic,  and you cant let that in.

So, if you are reading this tonight I challenge you, go a week with out being negative. Nothing negative on social media, if you feel it pause and forget it.  Post something positive every day.  Make someone's day each day.  Tell me how you feel after a week.  I bet you feel great.

We are ending our night in this storm watching things that make us laugh.  What better way to fix a semi stressful day than to go to bed happy??

<3

Thank god for Confianza!

Holy buckets.
Today was nuts.

Get home last night late.  I did happen to see some marker on my carpet.  Asked what happened when I got to my very full bed.  Miah says "Bryson got into my markers."  Fair enough.  Kid is quick!  And he loves to do what his sister does.

Fast forward to my morning.

I wake up in my daylight filled room to a marker filled baby boy.  Head to toe.  Green marker.  Not light green...dark green.  Ok...time to go downstairs and change his butt!  Scratch that.  Hes going straight to the tub.  Get out of the tub and start to walk around the living room....there's a crawling marker trail...to my couch.  Two of the three sections...covered.  Keep following the trail,  into the toy room...tv and table...covered.  There is also a trail of a biscuit everywhere. Find the marker at his stopping point.

Seriously.  What happened last night?!  "Kamiah, what was daddy doing when Bryson had that marker?"  "Ohhh.  He was just on his chair.  On his phone."

Haha.  Fail. Good this we can laugh about it.  Thank god for crayola washable markers. 

Bryson naps and we go into town.  Of course I get to where I need to be a realize my wallet is at home.  Track down Jeremiah (on his was out to run a boat for work) and get his card.  Bryson is pissed because he hates the car.

Get to our first stop and mom calls. Says to come grab her.  Go get her.  Get back to our stop.  Shopping and my sister calls.  I have spoken to her 4 times since Feb.  She wants to talk to Miah.  This breaks my heart.  **rewind a few nights, Kamiah is on moms phone snap chatting.  She randomly makes one for auntie Katrina,  "hi Katrina!! I love you and I miss you, hi auntie Trina love you.  Mommy, find katrina for me.   But I cant.  So it goes to my dad.  I cant tell her that though.  I did have to tell her she might not get one back...she waited anyways.**  Kamiah os syked to say hi, im bummed knowing it will possibly be months until she can say hi again.  Get our stuff,  leave and on our way out seen someone that I have been itching to meet....but let it go. Haha...

Go and get all the expensive adult crap nobody warns you about that coats a million dollars. ...dish soap, laundry detergent,  body wash, yadda yadda.  Then try and get home.  Attempted to get the lawn mowed. Kids in the pack and play (in the back yard so only our neighbors could have seen this sight) and then I run out of gas.  It also keeps dieing l, and when I restart it, it makes this loud crack.  I dont know what the hell I did but it worked. Haha.  Then Kamiah has to pee.  Go inside and make dinner.  The yard is totally not finished.  Opps.

Now its bed time.  Bryson is in his crib,  but he didnt fall asleep there.  Ok. So im taking baby steps.  Yes I want to sleep again.  But I also enjoy his snuggles.  So its a slow process.  

Now im going to fall asleep for, hopefully a few hours.

****update,  incase you care****  its been 20 minutes.  Bryson is up.  And wouldn't close his eyes again until he had his human paci.  Blah.  Might be a long night. Lol.....as if I was expecting something else!

To the mommy bloggers who understand.

Lately I have read a few blogs that have made me cry.  Not because they are sad, because I feel so much comfort knowing things I feel are normal enough for others to blog about them.

Your baby is one and still on the boob?
- well yes and yes.  He is also likely my last.  Im being a bit selfish and not forcing him to wean.  He isnt ready and neither am I.  Obviously if I needed to I would.  Or if he was no longer interested in nursing it would be over.  But neither are the case.  Im going to soak up all of the bonding time I can.  I dont plan on doing it a whole lot longer but for now im in no rush.

Why yes, my kids usually end up in our bed.
- who am I kidding, they also often start in our bed.  Actually tonight is our first night of making Kamiah start in her bed.  Bryson has been working on it for a week now....its going to be a long process.  Im so ready to have my bed back to just myself and Jeremiah.  Im ready to not be an open food bar for one while being kicked in the face by the other.  But im going to miss waking up and seeing sleeping angels next to me.  Ill miss playing with their hair while they sleep.  And ill miss the super close snuggle.  But, I am ready to sleep long enough to dream again.

Aw, you look tired.
- No sh**, thanks for telling me how great I look sans make-up. I cant remember the last time I slept a few hours in a row.  I have maybe had 3 dreams this month...because I dont sleep long enough to dream.  That is crap sleep.  And even if I DO have the opportunity to sleep a few hours straight- I cant.  Im worried about someone not breathing.  Someone needing me.  Someone not warm enough or someone who might be sick.  I worry...I am the worst "what if" thinker...but it causes me to love my peanuts to the fullest. Enjoy each second.   Know that tomorrow is a gift that may not be given.

Yes, im with my kids and on my phone.
-No im not creeping some random person.  Im not reading crap stories and im not playing dumb games.  Im most likly checking my emails for work.  Answering a question for a customer, helping someone join my team....this is my job.  Yes, you probably seen fb up.  This is where I send and receive 99% of my work messages.  So unless you have nothing better to do dont tell me, "maybe you should put your phone down and watch your kids."  Because that phone is allowing me to make money to be with them and not pay someone else to raise them 40+ hours a week.  There is also a good chance im videoing, taking pictures or snapchatting my kids to my family and friends who are not lucky enough to see them as often as we would like.  But thanks for being concerned ;)

These were just a few blog topics that made me feel like even with the weird looks and or comments....im not alone, chances are you are right there with me.

Well.  Both kids are sleeping in their beds.  Time for this mommy to sleep while its just two in my bed...because by morning im sure it will be 4 <3

Life with my three year old.

Seriously.  My child is not a normal 3.  Shes crazy.  Lol

Last night jeremiah says- "do we have to listen to this?" (Country)

You're just going to have to deal with it dad. - Miah.

I order her a happy meal.  She is digging through the box.
"Umm. I didn't order a go-gurt." (No you ordered fries, chicken nuggets and lots and lots of ketchup.  Dont worry I got it.)

I dont say anything.

"Ummm hello? Mommy? I didn't order go-gurt."

"Well Kamiah it was that or apple slices."

"Its fine."

"Did you want apples?"

"Its fine...whatever you want mom."

Seriously^

She just finished a week of dance. She loved it.  So this fall we will be doing Dance and Gymnastics.  And preschool.

Then we have Mr.Bryson.  He is going to be just like her....but more laid back.

I was yelling at Kamiah for not picking up her toys and putting them back where she got them.  Bryson had just taken a car out of a bowl...he looks at me, looks at the car and then throws it back into the bowl.  I said," good boy, Bryson!  You put it back where you found it!!"  He got the biggest smile in his face and shook his head yes....already trying to one up his sister. Lol

Well...off to get the little ones breakfast. Kamiah is waiting for a snapchat and asking what time it is...Bryson is using a shoe on his hand...because that's obviously what they are for... <3. Ahhh! Wait he just stood up and took a step..  getting close!  :)

A year ago today

I was 40 weeks pregnant.  At 39 and 6 days I had not one indication we would be so blessed to see our little man.  I also didnt know my kindness and generosity would end up in being so frustrated with new and training doctors.

Sadly my dr, who is the best dr in the whole wide world, was out of the state for half a day and our baby boy decided it was time to come out.  Good thing though,  we didn't just get one dr...or two...we got three, two of which were still learning and one who was so new, our nurse didnt know her name. 

We start walking because of course my very consistent contractions decided to slow down. While walking we were told to stop at our room because our drs wanted to do a ultrasound.   Since Bryson was flipping each week we had to make sure he was head down.  This should have been out first indication they were not exactly fully trained, the dr had to point out which end of the sonogram machine to use.  Yay for Bryson being head down!

Next stop meds to get these contractions going again. Before they end up giving me an epidural a bit after this they need to check me, the nurse does and im a 4.5 but they want the new girl to give it a shot.  So she does.  She places her fingers just slightly into me...like maybe 3/4 of her fingers.  She says im about a 7. Now anyone that has had a kid knows you need to be damn near elbow deep to get checked. The nurse says she was probably in the wrong area and asked if she would like to try again ( um hello....no thanks!) She passed. Thank god. Fail #2. Mom brings Miah up to visit because im only a 4.5 and I assumed it would be a while. Wrong.  About an hour later im feeling a bit of pressure and the nurse says im ready to push as soon as they break my water...but "they want the girl to try."  Ugh.  Sure why not!?  

The nurse tells her she had to try to NOT break my water with her finger so she should have no problem.  Just kidding....she cant.  She asks for the "stick" :l great....shes gonna poke a hole in my kids head!! Fail #3.

Miah goes into the waiting room with Andrew and Daniel. Mom, Candy and Jeremiah are some great labor partners :)

Time to start pushing, head is half way out and guess who isnt ready?!  You guessed it...the newbies.  The more experienced one asks if I can "just wait a minute"   suurrreee.  Let me just hang out here, with my child's head half way out of my body...grab me a drink while I wait for you to get ready!  "A minute is all you have" was the nicest thing I couldn't spit out.  Fail #4. 

The new girl is in charge of catching our baby on the rest of his way out.  Hopefully she can catch.  Yay!  She can!!

Our baby boy with a full head of hair is placed on my chest and once again its been proven there is such thing as love at first sight!  The amount I had already loved him instantly grew times a thousand. Jeremiah swore he wasnt going to watch another birth,  he was obviously wrong as he excitedly gave me updates on how far out he has been :)

Jeremiah cuts his cord and Candy gets hit with a spirt of cord blood....ew. Good thing she loves me.

Time for a few stitches. I am pleased to hear the guy will be doing it....until the actual dr starts correcting his technique. The look on Candy's face will never leave my mind.  "No you should do it like this..."  "Naw this is how I usually do it"

I can feel that.
Dr- "you should numb the area more"
"No, I did"
That hurts!
After this for a few minutes he decided to numb the area again.
Fail #5

Wonderful, not that my poor lady parts hadn't gone through enough,  there probably just got even more f**ed up.

Kamiah gets to come meet her brother.  She is proud to be a big sister and excited the baby came with a big sister gift for her ;)

Time to pick a name!!  Bryson John it is. John after Jeremiahs grandpa.
Kamiah cried.  She was so set on "Baby Brother"

A few of our favorite people came to visit and it was time to try and rest.  Although the complete bliss i was in was making that hard.

Finally our last day we get to see Dr Gordon!!  He asked if someone he had trained could do the circumcision (he had done many).

No.

Lol....I have done my duties and am forver done volunteering!

Our little man is perfect. Time to take him home!!

6wks later I still wasnt healed thanks to "a terrible stitch job" in my drs words which confirmed my decision ill not be volunteering again.

And now...a year later I miss it.  I miss being pregnant and giving birth. Such an amazing time and im so blessed to have been able to do it twice!

Now.  Off to bed.  Night world!